LOST!

That is what I have been feeling since over a week – just lost; when you lose a family member who is the backbone of the family for years and has an aura around her. A lady I was so proud of and derived my strength and heritage from, and someone who possessed so much radiance and warmth that it was beyond comparison. How am I to overcome such loss? Helpless is what I feel as my Ajji was found with a stroke and she was laid to rest few days back. A lot of emotions and memories, lots to talk about, I am unable to even pen down this loss right now. Absolutely not come to terms with it and at this point not even sure if I ever will. All I want ..............is this little lady with salt/pepper hair lying down with me on the sheet spread over the cool floor, on a hot summer afternoon, smelling of amrutanjan, fighting her sleep, narrating Ramayana and I would stop her at the part when payasam was being served to King Dashratha before the sons were born and I would get distracted and ask her to make some for me and that she would, a small portion just enough for me which I would lap like a puppy and then lie down again for her to continue the story until I napped.

Apples and Blueberry picking :-)

Aha!

The fact that we exactly get back what you give is such a simple logic yet so profound. If you disrespect someone disrespect or apathy is all you will get. You shower genuine love and concern that is what you will get. Yes kids let you take a step back and revise all your basics that way, don't they?. The person who gives attention and talks lovingly they will respond and reciprocate and develop bonding. Take a step back and think what have you given before you expect something or anything - isn't it?

Snoooze!

Snoozing the alarm 3 days in a row! Whattay week! :)

Thank God it's a short week!

Whattay week!

It’s been a crazy absolutely CRAZY but the fun type crazy week. Not sure where I should even begin. FOOD + FRIENDS = FUN I guess. Something we always do every long weekend with our friends from other states but we stayed local this time. In summary we had planned sleepovers with the local gang for the first time.  Friday we had a Karaoke night in the neighborhood at a friend’s. Then Saturday fruit picking – blueberries and apples and hayride at the Farm and we had 3 more families come stay over. It was like a wedding party home. Chaos and fun, I cooked a lot, cleaned a lot, exhausting late nights and sleep deprived but fun. We then shifted base to another friends Sunday night after Saturday night at our place. Due to inclement weather had to skip the whole picnic by the lake plan. Headed home Monday to host our friends from CA staying over for this week.  A short week and luckily quiet one at work (calm before the busy 4 weeks actually), so have been snoozing the alarm for an hour before I wake up. Plus kids have started a new class with new teachers and they think it’s a temporary thing and ask me when they go back to the old class when I drop them off.  They miss the old class without them knowing it.

Growing up I spent a lot of time at my Grandparents and somewhere looking at my Grandmom hosting people, cooking last minute for surprise visitors just became part of our life. In fact it was every single day. My grandparents were social butterflies and never cringed that they had to make extra coffee or tea or tiffins or meals or if someone stayed over their comb goes missing or the sugar dabba kept in the wrong place, it’s just too PETTY. There is always time after the guests leave to maintain your house the way you want or a way to get around things if it’s more mid to long term arrangement. But respecting and providing warmth and gracefully managing the situation comes with experience and am so thankful for the wonderful family I have been born into who have taught me that and also showed me the pleasure of GIVING in whatever way you can. While my Grandmom always said we should have be able to save for the rainy days. She also insisted on quality and quantity of food. Not a single day passed without giving some leftovers to the maid. She worried if there were no leftovers and I can see how it has rubbed on to me, makes me terribly uncomfortable. When you have so many people over minor wastages are part and parcel of hosting. I made a lot of Pudina Pulao for example and per my count it was more than enough for people I counted but not a morsel was left although it was apparently really good but I feel so guilty till today L  

I really hope these small things rub onto the girls. Plus I am learning so much from experience. Gaining new skills, I have never had to wait or share anything in my life being an only child. Everything was organized and kept the way I wanted where it should be. I have come a long way :) This weekend I would try to cook something for example and all kids would run around, playing very loudly, asking for so many things, my friends would need so many things from the kitchen or fridge etc or a towel - so many distractions so many things going on after only 2-3 hours of sleep for 2 days in a row I did not lose my cool or take it out on visitors or P.  Of course P is an important part in everything and pitches in both he and I dont see it as a “help” from a husband but an obvious instinct and responsibility from a family member of the house– since we do everything by ourselves unlike back home no one to makes our rotis, nor cleans the house, nor cut vegetables – we do everything from scratch and have fewer dependencies that way the perk is that we do everything as a family for our family and share the chores.

I hope the trend continues and the visitors keep coming. Until then catch up on some sleep for this weekend ;).