:-)

Had a pretty good weekend. Met my best friend SJ after like 7 1/2 years, last I met her was at our wedding. So many things have happened in our lives since then. She couldnt bring her 6 month old baby boy with her but she came to see me just for a day. She left the sonny boy at NY at her sister's for the first time as she is concluding her 3 month journey and heading back to Australia. It was truly awesome to see her and spend time with her and the girls grew fond of her quite easily. This all one needs true and sincere friends around you. It was like it hasnt been 7 1/2 years at all....we've been good friends since like 1994 or so...wow! seems so long now..

Guests etc

Was a nice and busy weekend. Both days had guests, kids, did a lot of cooking. BTW which in general I am doing a lot. I missed my kitchen time last few months and I  dived right into it. I never cook as a duty I actually enjoy it and I was blessed with that basic common sense and that cooking gene which helps me make my own recipes. I never needed DH or anyone to help me with any critical analysis.

 

So we caught up with friends after a long time and they were sharing some really bad experiences in recent India trips, their parents / pensioners constantly being humiliated and having treated disrespectfully whether its at the bank or auto driver or nurse at hospital - no compassion no patience no manners or courtesy. I was in tears listening to some of the incidents. Thinking about 70 year olds being spoken to like that by made me feel so bad ...I hope its one off incidents.

Disclaimer: It can happen anywhere just because I dont live in India people may make it seem like I have no right to criticize about somethings in India and take it personal. Its not just about India its about something that really bothers you and does not seem right be it in India or US or Paris or Timbaktu the focus is on the problem. But just cos you are outside India you are forced to say only nice things and not talk or discuss any issues, that's a mindset issue people have. Its just some of those practical issues and experiences one likes to talk about.

Thanksgiving and India trip...

So we made a last minute trip for Thanksgiving to Delaware our hang out place. Time just flew. The best-est part was kids all playing together. From running behind them so they don’t topple and fall or fight from previous trips, this trip they played a lot, so much that they actually got exhausted and AL also had a mild fever by the time we got home for 2-3 days which is another topic in itself. We had a girls night out for dinner, parents also had a good change and relaxed weekend overall. This was the 4^th time we met our friends to hang out like this for long weekend this year. Its wonderful and hoping the kids grow up to be good friends like parents. It was MILs birthday during thanksgiving and the actual date when she left us last month. Time flies.  For P’s sake I am glad he was keeping busy ….

So AL fell sick and dropped a couple of pounds, like she has any to lose ;)? Well she generally stops eating when she is unwell and we are getting used to it now although we don’t encourage it obviously. These two have caught all the possible bugs and fevers they could possibly do.  J

Took a day off to do daycare hunting – 5 daycares in a single day in Westford exhausting but worth it. Made up my mind and Review post to follow.

Our 3^rd trip in 3 years to India for MIL’s first anniversary ceremony: P left early December (right after Thanksgiving) for 2 weeks I followed my trip was for 5 days spending only 3 days in India and 2 days traveling over-ambitious (so everyone told me and impractical)and nervous as we left kids home. Even after reaching India people thought I should not have come and was not ‘worth’ it. Either one of us has always been with kids barring last year in Hyderabad when I had to rush to Bangalore as MIL’s time neared during the 5 week trip. That was even worse as girls were sick down with some weird allergies and I don’t even want to talk about the tough time we went through physically, emotionally and logistically.  So made it though the long flight via Amsterdam and Mumbai! Attended the ceremonies both days and everything went fine and ok. Girls were doing ok, spoke to them and they spoke over the phone very nicely telling me about each other’s naughty behavior and that they missed me and bring ‘Nanna’ and ‘thatha’ back with me. I got to spend a few hours with my Grandmother and Aunts. Although not satisfied by just the couple of hours had to adjust. Shopped for some essentials and then had a mini reunion dinner at a friend’s. And before we knew we are back in Boston after Satyanarayan vratham. We slept through most part on both flights. Ate, slept that’s all I remember J

My family was really proud of my ability to do the impossible, leave my young girls behind for 4 days with parents and make it to the ceremonies. My aunt and grandmother appreciated it. I went there because I wanted to attend and be there as it was a final adieu to my MIL. There were lot of personal reasons why we couldn’t take the girls to India. Every parent makes a decision what they think is right for their children in given circumstances and so did we. It wasn’t easy but took a chance and decided to leave kids with parents for 4-5 days. Hopefully the last time we ever have to do this. I was very upset and spent sleepless night before my journey and also while actually in India although I didn’t tell anyone. Of course this is yet again an example for the girls that family sticks together no matter what; especially when it’s to do with some important ceremonies like these. I am not talking about myself and praising that such a good Daughter-in-law I am that I made it to India all the way for my Mother-in-Law’s ceremonies but it is about my mother who has shown immense love and care to her grand-daughters. So to me it’s more her affection and understanding as my mother to stick around with her daughter’s family and be there for me to be able to attend the ceremonies. Without my parents here I would not have been able to attend it.  So all the compliments showered by my aunts to me should actually be directed to my mother for selflessly being there for me over and over again and proving to us all what true unconditional mother’s love is about. When some things are done merely as a duty it lacks luster as opposed to out of pure love and affection.  

New identity

When we moved to R.K Puram most people knew my mom as herself, slowly as I started knowing more people than her with more friends in the locality, some people started referring her as 'my mom'. She went to the temple yesterday and for the first time someone came to her and asked if she was 'AG/AL's grandmom'? my mom loved this new identity in the colony even more she happily said yes. It happened to be P's parents tenants from R.K. Puram. Probably the lady saw mom at their place now and then.

Since then mom cant stop bragging about this association and identity her 19 month old grand daughters have given her ;) simple pleasures I tell you :-)

A month since...

And so just like that its been a month since mother-in-law passed away. Nothing else matters, we just feel the absence. That sums it all up. I had my melt down and got it out over the weekend, it was sort of building up past 2 weeks with constant thoughts. Just makes you realize for the nth time how short this life is. Also teaches everyone to value the present relationships, but still there are ill feelings towards one another amongst people in general, its really sad I was telling P sometimes even if one person wants to let go and move on some will still cling to it and nurture animosity and ego and to me the value of the other good things done simply fades a few good deeds at a time when the former happens. The below incident triggered me to say that.

My mother mentioned to me how the gentleman who lived with his family opposite our house in R.K.Puram (wife and sons, one of them married with a son, and married daughters regularly visting) passed away. He was highly diabetic and visited ICU couple of times over last two months including when I was in India. So with all the relatives home for the ceremonies, after the rituals there was a huge argument and their Uncle's family (wife and 2 young kids) were deeply hurt, insulted and left weeping cos they couldnt bear the insult and harsh words and actions, apparently it was cos they were not there when they needed him the most and sons were angry with them over some other things as well. Maybe the father would have been ashamed and embarassed with their sons' behavior, one would think. We think fighting over property and material posessions after someone's death is disrespectful then what about this? Core values of love, bonding, empathy, compassion, hospitality eroding. Imagine those two kids how they would have felt with  their parents being insulted in front of everyone when they came to express condolences and also grieving alongside in their own way? I dont think just cos they are grieving/as in-the-heat of the moment act or their not so literate background is any excuse for such disrespectful behavior.


I am deviating a bit but not trying to preach or judge (we all makes mistakes), just noting observations for myself and re-iterating how important this "present" is.

 No matter what, bottom line, we will always miss you Maa.  You will always be part of our present and future although physically absent.

Grieving...

Its been over a month and I was putting off writing anything on my blog, just didnt want to get to it. The worst thing did happen. My Mother-in-law passed away due to an End stage Renal failure. So I was in Hyd trying to get done my H1B stamping at the consulate, plus by me being away with the kids, P would get to spend more time with her. Anyway my stamping did happen smoothly and was waiting for my passport so could head back to be with my Mother-in-law. In that time frame P asked me to come to B'lore rightaway and leave the kids in Hyd as Docs did not see any chances of her making through and she was resting as long as her body could pull through on basic support. I got there the day before she passed away at the hospital, the very next day after P informed me. My father-in-law, her sister, and us, direct family members were right there with her as she breathed her last. Acouple of hours before I had met my good friend in Hyderabad at Leela bang opposite Manipal Hospital and went back into the hospital after a coffee with her and in a couple of hours she was gone. After traveling all the way to see her and hoping she recovers but see her leave us for good is one thing, but being there as a family that last moment, that one last moment when she opened her eyes was another. Overwhelmed and blessed to have touched her feet, seek her blessings and forgiveness if I hurt her in anyway (which is probably strange as it may sound was 9/10 cos of my lack of fluency in Telugu).  I am glad she got to see her grand daughters whom she so adored as she so yearned for girls since the time she had her children a  good 3 decades back. I am certainly not happy she is not able to watch them grow along with us. But then I am reminded that I have to count my blessings, she was able to experience the basic familial comforts at her age as she saw her sons settle and watched their families grow. I am glad she enjoyed the Pongal I made for the last time and kept asking for more (she loved the food I cooked right from the start and always acknoweldged that) before I left for Hyderabad.

So after the rituals (during which I know she could see each and everyone of us) we headed back to the US. Girls had some health issues last week in Hyd, stomach upset, fever, some dairy allergy etc plus I had my own viral going on recovered just before we got to the US and its been the usual routine. Girls went to daycare as usual just like we went to work the first week. Caught a minor cold, considering the weather and their age normal to happen and our days are oacked with all such routine acitivities. My father-in-law however is back in B'lore dealing with the loss. He is certainly whom we are concerned about as of now.

Every night I close my eyes to fall asleep and I am unable to rightaway. The whole scenario of how my mother-in-law passed away, the sequence of events plays in front of my eyes, how my father-in-law and my mother-inlaw's sister and I had lunch then got to the ward, how my husband was just about to go for lunch when her pulse dropped etc, just keeps playing in front of my eyes. Yes I have not come to terms with it. I am then flooded by memories, I then go back to the first time she saw me as a bride entering the wedding hall, all dressed in jewels and a pretty wedding saree (both of us loved jewellery and sarees for sure), the look of approval and appreciation and pride, the smile on her face to see me soon as her  daughter-in-law, and tears come to my eyes. Yes unable to deal with it, not ready yet. Then everyday in the morning she comes in my dreams, this past week. Either like nothing ever happened and we are back home in R.K Puram just doing the daily chores or like how she is watching every action of ours as we go about talking and discussing routine family duties. No I have not accepted the fact yet that what happened was the best thing for you, not yet, You were barely shy of turning 61 years by 4 days and you left us. I talk to my mom everyday, and she comforts me. She misses her companionship. She used to stop by at their place as they were within walking distance and she would serve some lovely filter coffee and they would chat on various topics. I still feel she is right there in R. K Puram home and like nothing ever happened. I dont even want to think what P must be going through in his mind, all those childhood memories....

....But again I truly feel blessed and special to be there, those last moments with you. It meant a lot to me. More for my personal diary so the girls can know more about you. Love you and miss you Maa.

INDIA

And so taking a break from our new jobs and 2 sick kiddos we undertook the much needed trip to India. My poor babies were having a bad cold, fever, and still did very well in the flight I thought. AG didnt sleep all that well but tried to take short naps in intervals. They did have cranky moments also but overall they did really well considering they were sick. So we had to land in Bangalore since my inlaws were at my brother-in-law's. Spent a few days there and headed back to Hyderbad. Nothing like home. Missing inlaws though as they are part of this 'home' set up in HYD and my parents and inlaws lived like a couple of streets away so we functioned as a great team when I visited last year in terms of spending time with kids. The first week was pretty hard. The kids were badly jetlagged. Hungry at odd times. Fever on and off with a bad cold/stuffy/runny nose and cough and majorly congested. Not totally adjusted to the new environment. Cant blame them. P and I ourselves hadnt slept well for past few days since we started new jobs (plus I have ended up with another strep throat issue I think due to change of water/environment)  and kids were down with fever and cold and teething issues then the travel fatigue, over all got on to us and cant imagine what the ladies went through as they cant even express yet. As an adult one needs to have the sense to understand these things about kids. I  tried my level best to comfort them. Now that we are in Hyd and I have my support system (my parents) kids are doing a little better but suddenly on a hunger strike. AL especially has lost a lot of weight.  I feel so bad but its all an experience. That's how kiddos will learn to adjust and respect and also appreciate that traveling does take toll but no matter what you have to be there for the family and friends who really matter to you and ignore the inconveniences and negativities surrounding it.

I think we have lived the text book example of parents whose kids fall sick when sent to daycare after staying home for a while plus they are twins so makes you feel sickness is so prolonged and endless in the household but its all part and parcel of parenting twins :-)

Hmmm..

My parents finally went for that check up probably the first since they have moved back to India. And as expected results were skewed. Dad has been diagnosed with Type II Diabetes and mom has cholesterol. I guess with age some such things is expected. Hopefully they stick to the diet and take care.

Me being here certainly not helping!

AP

R.I.P YSR – I don’t know much about the current political situation and people in AP/HYD, but it’s sad that the CM passed away in a helicopter crash. I saw some messages with people mocking in FB on his disappearance yesterday and that’s how I found out about it initially. And in all fairness he is a state leader (however horrible a leader he maybe to the very ‘successful intelligent literate class’ – (sarcasm intended!)) obviously there will be more effort to find him and keep him safe as he has (supposed to have) a big responsibility.


Then this morning read an email from my mom and took a peek in TV9 and Deccan and there it was, it was all about YSR’s death. And the fact that Rosiah will most likely be the acting PM. Good God! Isn’t he like one of those really corrupt guys, with the word CORRUPTION written in caps all over his face clearly visible? It’s just an uncomfortable feeling over all.


Our Vinayaka must have felt left out by media during Nimarjan, but maybe it helped and it went smoothly to some extent due to lack of media coverage?

Are we?

Are we Indians one of the most sensitive people? Especially towards fellow Indians? Or am I referring to only the Indians settled outside India here?

Rakhi and her Swayamwar

I or rather ‘we’ have started watching Rakhi ka Swayamvar, almost reached the end and there is going to be just one last elimination (I am a little behind with this). It was entertaining and time pass. Youtube has it all, which is pretty cool. I used to abhor Rakhi but somehow it changed and now I just ignore her. I know Eelesh has won the swayamvar and yet I am watching it. Last few episodes that I have been watching, kind of got stupidly interesting and then to hear Manmohan Tiwari speak. If one has watched it you know what I mean - the Hindi! I am sure he will pick up some Bhojpuri movies or some telvision serial roles. I hope he does. DH hated it, but since the living room is without any television I was watching it on my laptop and he also kind of started following it.

I think she is the first one India to do this Swayamwar thing? Curious if it was an eligible bachelor looking for a wife, how the response would be? well India is not that conservative after all? (cannot generalize it, anyway). I think over all it was a decent production and didn't seem that cheap an imitation of the spouse search programs in America. Not that I have really followed such programs here.

Athivrishti-Anavrishti

Parents have been complaining about heat and lack of rains in Hyderabad like everyone else. And today it poured so much that there was flooding in our living room. We have our living room back home at a lower level than rest of the house, it has a couple of steps to get down and relax. Mom gave me a missed call. I called them and they were upset and bugged as the water had flowed in from this open field beside our house used for military training (house is in Cantonment area) it had all the possible dirt and grime. So annoying! Waiting for tomorrow for the maid to clean it up! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

Love Aaj Kal

I quite liked the movie, it was a fresh and modern approach for Hindi cinema on commitment and general indecisiveness on relationships due to priorities that get mixed up etc etc Also reflects on how our Hindi movies have come a long way. From sati-savitri sacrificing heroines - i.e. perfect, goody-goody bahu/daughter material to modern dating women with a mind and voice of their own types. Not to mention the enactment of impromptu kisses (Oh come on, we are all observing it, the comfort level has increased althought they are not quite there!). I thought Saif performed the Sardarji role well. Especially the dance towards the end when he comes home with the girl. Great songs! Not a great fan of Deepika's voice, it can get irritatingly childish at times, but well... I kinda like the old fashioned touch her characters' names have - Shanti (OSO), Gayatri (Bachna ae Haseeno) and Meera (LAK)...

Most Hindi movies have not-so-pleasent parts here and there, so did LAK, I chose to ignore it, even Kambaqt Ishq, though former is much better the latter. I don't want movies to be realistic and practical. I watch for entertainment and its fiction for God's sake! :) Soup for my soul! :)

Athivrishti, Anavrishti!

Its really amazing that the level of commitment and awareness "to vote" has increased. Indian media is making me so nervous though. There is so much bragging and hype.

Bad economy and Swine flu:

Dear God,

Please kindly do not deprive people of both health and wealth at the same time!

पिया बसंती रे

!

Thought for the day: One does not become more Indian by merely 'living' in India and one does not become less Indian for choosing to live outside India.

One does not lose values, culture, traditions or relationships just because you live overseas. One does not lead a mechanical life surviving merely 'for money'. Some people choose to live that way where ever it is and some dont.

Vande Mataram

Blasts! yet again..Jaipur this time

This happens, now and then to remind all of us - of the other part of the world - thats gory! Its frustrating, makes us angry, targeting innocent people for one's causes, beliefs and frustrations, UNACCEPTABLE! The images hurt, deep inside. And then its typically at a religious place or on a holy day or some such concept (pricks even more!). Reminds us of one of the causes of uncertainty in developing nation as India. This could be any of us! Time passes and we survive! (do we have a choice?), we have to move on; and life goes on......

Dear Samay,

Will this ever end?....

Answers I dislike....

If ever anyone asks me where I am from I say I am an Indian first then a Kiwi, who has lived in the US and working in Canada (as long as it can get eh? :)). Then the typical question a fellow Indian asks is where in India do I come from? I say Hyderabad. I am first a Hyderbadi above all (born brought up there and lived for 21 years, so its easy, though I am not an Andhrite and belong to a different state). Well probably thats just me and a few others like me who are that particular with answers to such questions?

The reason I say that is cos I once met this Indian lady (way back in NZ) who was asked her place of origin (it was obvious she was an Indian her looks, accent etc but conversation-sake a fellow-Indian asked her and I am sure she was expecting an Indian city name) and this woman blurts 'I am from Portugal' I was stunned. Are you kidding me? Are you ashamed to claim your an Indian (I say in my mind!)? Just cos I dont know how ever many generations back 5-8? there was some intermingling of the races you disclaim that YOU are an Indian anymore? Phew! I dont get it! And then in Orkut the other day I saw someone's profile who also claimed a descent totally Non-Indian even though for 5 generations atleast I am sure their family has been in India.

This has nothing to do with citizenship, but would someone so openly claim to belong to a totally different race? It so happens the reason for both could be religion-based; the former lady was a Jew (Portugese-Jew connection!) the latter you know

Exhaust emissions

I wish they put the exhaust pipes of buses on the roof than at the base of the bus in India like it is here [Canada and other places]. Since we have more people riding two-wheelers and Auto-rickshaw commuters who are exposed to the exhaust emissions directly, it could prevent the smoke blowing right on the face at least.