Not a single day goes by..

..without me thinking of you Ajji...not a single day! You are being missed... and a lot!

Trust

I read somewhere how trust is like a paper once crumpled it can never be the same again. This is exactly why certain people may have to be removed from your inner circle ..you simply cannot take a chance!

My little DDs when you grow up you will have to make some tough choices and decisions and move on. 

Move on matey!

A lot depends on level of maturity which only comes through experience on how you feel on the inside and how you portray yourself to the outside world, which as we know can be two different things. When we make a decision however big or small we live through its consequences and for everyone things have a way of working out. You might want to shout it from the roof tops (currently Facebook I suppose ;)) that it went really well or  it absolutely sucked or you might keep it to your self. 

People will find happiness and contentment and things will work out - eventually! Period! 

STOP justifying the decisions made, if you are having to address and acknowledge it time and again could mean there is regret?

LOST!

That is what I have been feeling since over a week – just lost; when you lose a family member who is the backbone of the family for years and has an aura around her. A lady I was so proud of and derived my strength and heritage from, and someone who possessed so much radiance and warmth that it was beyond comparison. How am I to overcome such loss? Helpless is what I feel as my Ajji was found with a stroke and she was laid to rest few days back. A lot of emotions and memories, lots to talk about, I am unable to even pen down this loss right now. Absolutely not come to terms with it and at this point not even sure if I ever will. All I want ..............is this little lady with salt/pepper hair lying down with me on the sheet spread over the cool floor, on a hot summer afternoon, smelling of amrutanjan, fighting her sleep, narrating Ramayana and I would stop her at the part when payasam was being served to King Dashratha before the sons were born and I would get distracted and ask her to make some for me and that she would, a small portion just enough for me which I would lap like a puppy and then lie down again for her to continue the story until I napped.

Aha!

The fact that we exactly get back what you give is such a simple logic yet so profound. If you disrespect someone disrespect or apathy is all you will get. You shower genuine love and concern that is what you will get. Yes kids let you take a step back and revise all your basics that way, don't they?. The person who gives attention and talks lovingly they will respond and reciprocate and develop bonding. Take a step back and think what have you given before you expect something or anything - isn't it?

Pondering...

It’s been 3 years since my maternal Grandfather has passed away.  It’s one of those things I can’t express but just feeling the void. Memories of my childhood just come flooding, him teaching me shlokas, and poems and songs. My Grandfather was very kid friendly like my mother, loved children especially baby girls and played and sang to me so nicely. It feels so distant and so far away now, like another life.

Its Janmashatami tomorrow and it gets even worse.  Every single Janmashtami we have fasted in the evening and had large scale poojas in Kothi since I know and have memory and all of us sat together on the floor for simple and umpteen varieties of dishes. The Arghya recital and offering which is an important ceremony for Madhwas for Janmashtami my Grandfather used to perform.

All those days will never come back and so will this very present which will get buried in the past. And still people find enough time to hurt, insult, and gossip and what not to fellow beings.

This birthday I was thinking of how I have come full circle. I am back to being my old self in so many ways and being the REAL me; there are so many things I have to be grateful and thankful for. For all those lovely people and experiences in my life to the unpleasant ones who have taught me the hard way to value my ‘real’ relationships even more. My 2 girls who constantly help me become a better person. From the food I eat, to the things I say and I wished I had said – “its ok Amma, it happens” they tell me in the cutest of voices. I see divinity everyday in my house since these 2 angels entered my life! I am so glad I have daughters I feel truly blessed.

Think twice before you judge another MOM

Recently I stumbled upon some forward that reminded a mom, no matter what "you are a good mom". Some moms do it one way others do it another way, it still makes you a GOOD MOM.  Remember being perfect is impossible and its a myth. It was nicely written and should have saved it perhaps. Its happened only once to my face my kids and I were criticized by another mom, I swallowed it, as it wasnt the right time to respond and on hindsight it's a good thing I could have said such nasty things but how would I be different then?. But I was mad, as a mom I know best what my kids need and each child is precious and different. But I think sometimes until you have 2 kids people will not realize how much more different and more effort it is to raise twins and 2 very different children from the same parents. And I have had a lot of my friends acknowledge it to me now who did not realize it earlier. As a MOM compassion and empathy for other moms should be nurtured. 

Stuff!

I was reading up something on etiquettes and saw quite a few articles on "guest etiquettes" i.e. how to behave well when you are guests in someone's home. I somehow couldnt find anything almost on how the Host is supposed to behave. And it got me thinking. Being a host is a big responsbility not everyone can carry it off, being warm, compassionate, making your guests comfortable with food and basics if you ever want them to visit again. Just saying....

P got the kids couple of soft toys a pony and a seal (we are pingu fans here) and kids loved it...I get home everyday and Mom has so many cute complaints about kids getting too naughty - loving it!

Been meaning to blog on Saanvi for a while. Didnt even know what to type. Its a gory thing which should never happen to anyone. RIP is all we can say. No one can take away their pain.
Read a lot of BS on this too unfortunately that I had to stop, people just made up stories without even knowing the facts, couple of articles on TOI were senseless pretty much. Then some people took it as an opportunity to slam US police for not doing their job. Weirdos! some of them who are stuckup in India and criticize everything US and want to show that their life is the best. It was also sad that most people did not want the person held responsible go back to India cos lack of trust in the system. Simply sidelining the main issue.

On another topic with kids asking us so many questions all the time of whats and whys, makes me realize how do kids always manage to ask the right questions. Something ever adults cannot. Sometimes we try asking the right questions on certain rituals or procedures for example people get offended. In India we have experienced mostly that priests, Doctors, or even some elders instead of accepting lack of knowledge or reasonably explaining things  they know, they get defensive and offended that we are challenging their authority and that we are this modern generation with no respect and feelings. And then you have a lot of them bombard you with personal and intrusive questions. How come the latter is more acceptable? 

Quotable quotes

Amongst the many updates you get in FB which are kinda irksome at times. I saw this one:

"Your beliefs dont make you a better person your behavior does" ...simple message but true.

Stumbled upon this many times..."Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people" - Roosevelt. 

Just plain good and giving

I am thankful and grateful for surrounding myself with goodness and generosity and its all from the one main person in my life, my husband P.

The one quality that beats everyone and everything - he is just plain good and has a heart of gold.

In terms of generosity and his giving nature too he is alongside my paternal grand mother and my mother - the 3 people I have seen in my life who can selflessly just give and take a lot of pleasure and seek happiness by their kind deeds. Its overwhelming at times and yet I feel blessed.

There are no other adjectives or superfluous words that can describe a person being good and generous.

I hope the girls inherit the goodness of character and the giving nature. He is an excellent role model on that front.

My 2 cents to A & A

Dear A&A,

I have been thinking and wanted to pass on some advise time to time....

As human beings we are very judgmental. We want things to happen our way. We claim we are very flexible and accommodative but we turn our backs are capable of nurturing negative feelings. Everybody is different no two people are alike and that's what makes life interesting. But bottom line we all judge people, its human, but please remember you have a choice you dont have to share or pass judgements vocally about anyone especially about immediate family members and close friends to others. Whether its your parents/inlaws, siblings, sons/sons inlaw or daughters/daughters inlaw, cousins, aunts/uncles all the immediate family members and your best friends or next door neighbor . You must be frank and honest in all your relationships. Nobody is perfect remember, We all have flaws and like I said human mind will not stop judging you have to train it, but keep it to yourself and try not to pass it on. As an exercise for every negative thing you talk say two positive things about that very same person. If you cannot find any, you know that you are nurturing way too much negativity in you. However you rather not have that relationship than pretending and complaining about it. Either be honest and focus on improving it or not have it. Its all a matter of choice. You choose your own happiness. I am learning too everyday and trying to practise the above.

Dont crave for attention and burn bridges. Just because you want to be liked and adored and respected you dont have to put others down, Focus on yourself and your relationship but dont "scheme and plan" to hurt others for attention. As babies you crave for attention and tend to hurt one another, I know its your instincts its natural and happens, but I dont encourage as it is and you get time outs for that and I will continue for it not to happen once you are grown up a bit. At the same time Sycophancy is the dangerous opposite of the former. Be yourself. No excessive praise and flattery to anyone to get things done. You cannot insult and hurt or "use" your immediate family members or anyone to nurture your ego and then expect all your relationships to be normal going forward. You mess up then you have to face consequences for it.

Its truly said that one has to "earn" respect. If you have a clean heart, are honest in your opinions and feelings towards all, you dont have to fear anything, you dont have to seek respect, respect will come from every nook and corner by itself! Like AK quoted in SJ - Respect comes with behavior and conduct not merely with qualifications/degrees, age or money. Earn it dont claim it and misuse it.

　

This is all from personal experience and a few mistakes made and a lot of observation. Hope this helps at some point in the future.

PS: This is not a preaching just advise. Like I said I am learning and trying to practise it myself. Once you guys grow up a bit hope we can guide and support each other if possible.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Really grateful for the lovely friends we have in our life. Their homes are like literally having a second home or a vacation home. They treat us very well emotionally and physically and are such wonderful hosts. Since the time we have had kids, they willingly give their Master bedrooms to us taking into consideration we have come after a long drive with two kids and need more adjustment (since they have a home ground advantage and dont need 'settling in' never selfishly look for their own comfort, their routine, besides in all fairness the guest rooms are equally comfortable), we all take good care of each other and each other's kids, ensure everyone eats and food is provided,(if you let your guests starve, you will never ever have guests to stay over ever :-) and we repeatedly visit each other's houses so that says a lot), by being genuinely very nice, and showering love on all kids; we can just be our true fun self without any pretence, or hurt or insults! Its the warmth and the welcome feeling you generate so guests/friends want to come back to your home again and again.

I truly acknowledge and Thank God for the lovely friends we have!

Satyamev Jayate

We managed to watch the 2 episodes of Satyameva Jayate and it was very good. As a mother of two lovely toddlers for me the ability for someone to present and talk about some issues like these feels pretty amazing. Good work by Aamir Khan for using his means to bring such issues in the forefront. On the other side there are issues that just come and go as a wave, hopefully it does not get lost and this results in some actions by concerned authorities.

Its not easy though and it is not just about creating chapters and amendments in current laws, not just about it anyway, its the mind set of the people that has to change and that freaks me out. For example it was cited a judge did not find anything wrong in the father and pathetic in laws eliminating girls and wanting a boy. (here the daughter-in-law wants to keep her female child and that is what the issue is about, If even she does not want it then its a bigger issue is what I am saying). If the judge was bribed to say something like that and he did it for money I could understand (Its wrong but understand some people have temptations) but if he really believes what he said and that was his own thinking and opinion/view - then that is what is sad and needs to change.

A grandmother of twin girls manages to push a baby wrapped in a cot through the stairs, she is a Principal of some school apparently, imagine a woman as a head of a school who is supposed to mold future citizens and young men and women having such values? That is what is outright scary. And finally the scariest part of it all is all women, doctors, mothers-in-law, mothers themselves craving for a son is one thing but killing the baby girl and hoping to conceive only a boy is unpardonable and unacceptable.

That is why the change has to come from within and values have to change!

But I have to ask.....

If people believe they want "the son" at any cost and should not eliminate girls, would some of them then just mechanically keep producing until they get a boy? even though they cannot afford financially?

Or dump the girl after she is born since she cannot be killed in the womb based on sex (its considered a crime by the country and not them)?Or probably sold since she is not "the son" they wanted? Or just ill-treated within the family and treated a burden?

Would this lead to more child labor/abuse etc then? Would that very same girl then think I wish I were not born?

Phew! your head just spins thinking about some of these issues and examples cited. Finally I always believed and reiterate education and money has nothing, nothing to do with the values you believe in. The Judge and Principal and many more examples we see in our every day lives who are so proud of not their "child" but their "son" prove it to me time and again.

The toughest part besides a lot of tears here and there for me was the initial speech Aamir Khan gave in the first episode on Motherhood and importance of a Mother in one's life, I could not, could not look at my husband. I know we were both in tears. And for me personally the song in the end was just too sad, about that chidiya, I don't want to listen to it again.

Happy Birthday to me :-)

Red roses, a lovely dinner at Margarita's with the most important people in my life, and especially 2 young ladies in the high chairs at our table completely made my day :-)

And so I am out of my lovely 20's and hoping the journey to an even better decade starts. Lots of exciting , and some unhappy incidents, including some miracles even have occurred past decade or so. I will not blow my trumpet to show off my achievements, nor will I dwell on some unhappy ones.

To keep it short and sweet at this point of time, I count my blessings and hope for a less bumpy ride ahead.

A guilt-free working Mommy

I know I am supposed to feel guilty. I work full time from home. I have 2 kids, I dont "dedicate" myself completely to them, instead share the work load of the house with P and hire a full time Nanny. Guess what I dont feel guilty a tiny bit for doing this. My girls are my priority. I love them. My family of course COMES FIRST. But that does not mean I have to give up my career. Hey my attitude is if I should be able to manage, and more than able to manage, manage WELL. If not its not worth it. And we have no complaints so far. I always told P that I want to try managing both career and kids and home. If I cant well I know what my priorities are and I will gladly choose family over career. But without trying I will never decide it. I know many people even today give up their career for kids. I respect that. That is their choice. I dont think they are being better mothers just by staying home and I dont think working mothers are being bad mothers just cos they also choose to work. Yes I agree its hard, a lot of juggling and super busy lifestyle. But its a personal choice. Even some mothers who stay home not necessarily are able to devote quality time due to exhaustion and routine-boredom. In my case if and if I ever feel its getting too much and I am missing my girls I will quit that very moment.

Alice in wonderland

I see myself out in the open, feeling the drops of rain on my skin and smelling the parched earth. The clouds turn dark grey and I hear the rumble and see the lightening. I stand there soaking-wet, I close my eyes and turn towards the sky, my hands spread out as if embracing the rain. I want the rain to cleanse me and everything around me. I see that the boundaries and the apprehension inside me and outside & around me are being washed away. I then see the rain slowly stopping, the grey disappearing and the rays of the sun penetrating through. I sit down dripping on the wet grass and look at the rainbow, carefree and happy like never before.

----

People around you make a lot of difference, if you choose to. At least I feel re-charged and energetic when I am with a group of people I gel with. On the contrary if you interact with that one wrong person, just one person who you cannot gel with, it can drain and suck out the good and bring out the worst. Everything (supposedly) happens for a reason. No reason to feel bad if some relationships are not working out as they ought to (whatever maybe the reason or whoever maybe at fault). Just have to learn to move on, understand and respect the differences, maybe it was not meant-to-be.

For me one of the things I used to miss mainly about India was the presence of some such lovely people. It’s not just about having a large group of friends/acquaintances. All of us tend to have them in India, but it’s about hanging out every other day with the people you love: Parents- everyday, Extended family - at least 2-3 times a month, and friends - every other day. But fact is I don’t think Hyd is what it used to be. At least I should not visit or go back if I plan to return that is, with that expectation. Friends have dispersed, people’s attitudes and lifestyles have changed, I have changed and there will be a lot of new relationships to make which might be very different from what I have ever experienced and existing ones we have to re-kindle etc. etc. This past weekend with friends was so much fun and very refreshing hence made me think of the importance of having the right people around you! At the same time not having them always around also makes it all the more important.

Banter

DH and SS (his friend) spent time discussing is broadmindedness equivalent of making a compromise? Hmmm... If one is not happy with a decision taken off the usual (read society) norm and indecisive its not really being broadminded is it? For me its based on your instincts - you are broadminded or not (or pretend to be and not)! bla bla bla!

Lady luck! are you listening?

My parents left for India yesterday. Saturday was a busy day did some last minute shopping, visit to the temple, and we managed to squeeze in to go to downtown and see a couple of sailing boats, as it was the Sailing event 2009 at Boston harbor – it was great weather and crowd.

Sunday was pretty much breakfast/lunch and then airport. It really sunk in after getting home and I was very depressed entire Sunday evening. Did some chores to keep myself occupied but didn’t help. What is that bugs me? The unconditional love parents have for you with no expectations, fact that no other relationship can replace this…And then the guilt, totally took out every bit of frustration on my mom and upset her on many occasions (my mom being my mom is even more sensitive than I am! Sigh!) Every time I do this, miss them and then when they are around totally take them for granted. This has to stop now I am a grown woman, ready to have my own kid/s! Somewhere I also have this fear all this will come back to bite me later…
Ok, just spoke to my parents and they have reached home safely! Apparently they had to wait in a line and the airport authority checked everyone's body temperature and gave flyers on the Swine fly health care as to how /whom, the passengers are suppose to contact if they develop fever and flu like symptoms in the next 10 days. Very impressive arrangement from what I hear.

On another very sad note my BFF’s mother expired after having suffered from Cancer. So the weekend started of on a sad note. I just spoke to her/SJ last week inquiring about her mom’s health etc. I am just so upset listening to one bad news after another. This seriously has to stop. I thought I said in my earlier post after a couple of bad news in a row I was expecting good news to be knocking on my front door. But looks like she is held up!

DH and I had a discussion about something yesterday. I had to confess this feeling thats becoming stronger inside me. I knew we were on the same page with it. But now having expressed it so strongly to one another, it has only become stronger.

Thinking cap on!

I am checking to ensure my priorities are what they should really be.....should I really be?

Thats' always a challenge isnt it? For some, things may exactly work out the way you wanted and they can claim they had their priorities correct to begin with. While others may have to constantly re-visit them as things are working unfavorably.

You can be a confident person because you have either not experienced the lows (read: life is a bed of roses, even if the lows are buried way in the past you will conveniently forget them) or because you have really experienced the lows (read: you are constantly seeing highs and the lows)