New identity

When we moved to R.K Puram most people knew my mom as herself, slowly as I started knowing more people than her with more friends in the locality, some people started referring her as 'my mom'. She went to the temple yesterday and for the first time someone came to her and asked if she was 'AG/AL's grandmom'? my mom loved this new identity in the colony even more she happily said yes. It happened to be P's parents tenants from R.K. Puram. Probably the lady saw mom at their place now and then.

Since then mom cant stop bragging about this association and identity her 19 month old grand daughters have given her ;) simple pleasures I tell you :-)

19 months

So the girls are 19 months old and they are into their 20th month. The last 2 months just flew past. AL is being a chatter box as I have mentioned several times before and she repeats everything and says her friends names from school (so does AG actually) :-) Both of them are identifying and inform us when they 'potty' (I know a mini miracle I tell you!)

AG is going through a tantrum phase right now (something AL went through weeks ago) she craves for attention and is being stubborn, she wakes up at nights (teething) and the usual saga :-)

They had their 18 months vaccinations and they are all set until about 4 (annual checkups are needed of course). They did so much better with the doc this time round, smiled at her, played with her stethoscope, and the cow that flashes light and says moo :-)

So doc was asking us on the feeding patterns etc of AG and AL. I inquired if I am supposed to supplement them with Pediasure. And she was against it. I was surprised I told her that these kids like all others have their ups and downs and downs are pretty bad especially since we dont force feed. More cos we realized that when you force feed them they develop an aversion to eating and then they dont ask for food on their own as they are supposed to per normal instincts, cos they are always force fed right on time, atleast that's how we feel it impacts our girls and our Pediatrician explained to us which I feel is true. So coming back to Pediasure, Doc explained its a critical age as now they learn to chew and eat on their own, the moment they dont eat and you give them Pediasure it will take them a step backwards, rely on liquid/pasty diet more, cos its an easy and tasty/SUGARY option. Yep, she totally said they did not need that kinda sugar at this age. Even though they dont have juices, they can still stay away from Pediasure. So hence we have not one through the Pediasure route.

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We had friends come over and stay with us so time just flew this long weekend. Went to Wrentham outlet mall accompanying my friend also. While chatting with SC I realized that everybody does their best as a parent, with the given resources, energy, circumstances. You just cannot say one is being a better mother than another (in an average working household of this generation obviously where in abuse and other extreme things dont come to play lets assume). Saying that the approach also of every parent is different, some go by the book and follow the very 'western' way, some the 'Indian way' if you really want to typecast it and most of us a hybrid, but everyone has their own style. At the same time one has no right to comment on others parenting skills, One could rather rather focus that energy on own parenting skills, cos I am sure other mothers if the really want to could also find what you could improve on  (general observation SC and I made together). But why must one even get into that? If you want to ruin or end you relationship with that person then best way is to comment on others parenting or others kids, no one ever takes those lightly ....

Whether the different feeding patterns or sleep patterns or different bath times, everyone's prioritization and approach differs. One thing I told myself right from start that I will never be feeling guilty as a mother. I will always give in my best to them. Period. I might be tired one day and just make them an omelette and serve with bread, OR I might skip their bath if we all are not up for it, they are too sleepy etc but I will not be guilty of that nor made to feel guilty about it. If I later feel I should not have done something or done something very differently I will take ownership to that and not repeat it again (and of course I confess in my personal blog to them.) Kids come first in my life, but, I dont want to be a martyr and then blow my trumpet how much I sacrificed for them and what they do for me in return will never be enough. Yes we cant repeat some of those awful situations we see and hear. But that's my take.

On that note, everyone asks me how I manage with twins. They are either sympathetic cos they think one kid is itself a lot of work or others slightly pity that they have it so much better with kids spaced out and planned. Thanks, but...... I manage pretty much like everyone else and I dont feel I am doing anything out of the ordinary or that I am just doing very less in comparison to others either, again there cannot be a direct comparison though. Women in their late 20s early 30s will find that its a busy time for us, we are mostly working mothers with young kids, who run a house, most of us cook twice a day, like to take up most of the kids responsibilities or divide with husband however it works in each household, we ALL get through it. Period. We all manage in our own way and cheers to that.

And now this very last week of this year, the clock ticks slowly, as we get into 2012.

A month since...

And so just like that its been a month since mother-in-law passed away. Nothing else matters, we just feel the absence. That sums it all up. I had my melt down and got it out over the weekend, it was sort of building up past 2 weeks with constant thoughts. Just makes you realize for the nth time how short this life is. Also teaches everyone to value the present relationships, but still there are ill feelings towards one another amongst people in general, its really sad I was telling P sometimes even if one person wants to let go and move on some will still cling to it and nurture animosity and ego and to me the value of the other good things done simply fades a few good deeds at a time when the former happens. The below incident triggered me to say that.

My mother mentioned to me how the gentleman who lived with his family opposite our house in R.K.Puram (wife and sons, one of them married with a son, and married daughters regularly visting) passed away. He was highly diabetic and visited ICU couple of times over last two months including when I was in India. So with all the relatives home for the ceremonies, after the rituals there was a huge argument and their Uncle's family (wife and 2 young kids) were deeply hurt, insulted and left weeping cos they couldnt bear the insult and harsh words and actions, apparently it was cos they were not there when they needed him the most and sons were angry with them over some other things as well. Maybe the father would have been ashamed and embarassed with their sons' behavior, one would think. We think fighting over property and material posessions after someone's death is disrespectful then what about this? Core values of love, bonding, empathy, compassion, hospitality eroding. Imagine those two kids how they would have felt with  their parents being insulted in front of everyone when they came to express condolences and also grieving alongside in their own way? I dont think just cos they are grieving/as in-the-heat of the moment act or their not so literate background is any excuse for such disrespectful behavior.


I am deviating a bit but not trying to preach or judge (we all makes mistakes), just noting observations for myself and re-iterating how important this "present" is.

 No matter what, bottom line, we will always miss you Maa.  You will always be part of our present and future although physically absent.

Think twice before you speak

The girls were falling asleep, well one did and one was almost about to. I was chatting with P and ended the sentence with the words "josh main" and to my surprise my darling AL repeated like a parrot after me. AL has been faster in picking up words and language in general, since a newborn we kinda guessed it. She repeats most things she hears in our sentences. So which means now people around them (not just parents) have to watch their language, tone, body language etc. Moreover we cannot undo what we say :-)

Now a days she smacks us all and says - boo - boo and then immediately sowweee (sorry) all in one sentence and one breath, so she thinks she can getaway with it :-) My darling by now I realize that words once said will have their impact all your life, it might fade but will still have an impact how much ever you apologize unfortunately, so pick your words wisely :-)

Sad...

Since I know my Hindi songs so well, and Kishore did a fab job with these lyrics, couldnt help but quote:


ज़िन्दगी  के  सफ़र  में ,गुज़र  जाते  हैं  जो  मक़ाम


वोह  फिर  नहीं  आते ,

वोह  फिर  नहीं  आते

ज़िन्दगी  के  सफ़र  में ,गुज़र  जाते  हैं  जो  मक़ाम

वोह  फिर  नहीं  आते ,

वोह  फिर  नहीं  आते


फूल  खिलते  हैं ,

लोग  मिलते  हैं

फूल  खिलते  हैं ,

लोग  मिलते  हैं  मगर

पतझड़  मैं  जो  फूल

मुरझा  जाते  हैं

वोह  बहारों  के  आने  से  खिलते  नहीं

कुछ  लोग  एक  रोज़  जो  बिचड  जाते  हैं

वोह  हजारों  के  आने  से  मिलते  नहीं

उम्र  भर  चाहे  कोई  पुकारा  करे  उनका  नाम

वोह  फिर  नहीं  आते ,

वोह  फिर  नहीं  आते

.....

Grieving...

Its been over a month and I was putting off writing anything on my blog, just didnt want to get to it. The worst thing did happen. My Mother-in-law passed away due to an End stage Renal failure. So I was in Hyd trying to get done my H1B stamping at the consulate, plus by me being away with the kids, P would get to spend more time with her. Anyway my stamping did happen smoothly and was waiting for my passport so could head back to be with my Mother-in-law. In that time frame P asked me to come to B'lore rightaway and leave the kids in Hyd as Docs did not see any chances of her making through and she was resting as long as her body could pull through on basic support. I got there the day before she passed away at the hospital, the very next day after P informed me. My father-in-law, her sister, and us, direct family members were right there with her as she breathed her last. Acouple of hours before I had met my good friend in Hyderabad at Leela bang opposite Manipal Hospital and went back into the hospital after a coffee with her and in a couple of hours she was gone. After traveling all the way to see her and hoping she recovers but see her leave us for good is one thing, but being there as a family that last moment, that one last moment when she opened her eyes was another. Overwhelmed and blessed to have touched her feet, seek her blessings and forgiveness if I hurt her in anyway (which is probably strange as it may sound was 9/10 cos of my lack of fluency in Telugu).  I am glad she got to see her grand daughters whom she so adored as she so yearned for girls since the time she had her children a  good 3 decades back. I am certainly not happy she is not able to watch them grow along with us. But then I am reminded that I have to count my blessings, she was able to experience the basic familial comforts at her age as she saw her sons settle and watched their families grow. I am glad she enjoyed the Pongal I made for the last time and kept asking for more (she loved the food I cooked right from the start and always acknoweldged that) before I left for Hyderabad.

So after the rituals (during which I know she could see each and everyone of us) we headed back to the US. Girls had some health issues last week in Hyd, stomach upset, fever, some dairy allergy etc plus I had my own viral going on recovered just before we got to the US and its been the usual routine. Girls went to daycare as usual just like we went to work the first week. Caught a minor cold, considering the weather and their age normal to happen and our days are oacked with all such routine acitivities. My father-in-law however is back in B'lore dealing with the loss. He is certainly whom we are concerned about as of now.

Every night I close my eyes to fall asleep and I am unable to rightaway. The whole scenario of how my mother-in-law passed away, the sequence of events plays in front of my eyes, how my father-in-law and my mother-inlaw's sister and I had lunch then got to the ward, how my husband was just about to go for lunch when her pulse dropped etc, just keeps playing in front of my eyes. Yes I have not come to terms with it. I am then flooded by memories, I then go back to the first time she saw me as a bride entering the wedding hall, all dressed in jewels and a pretty wedding saree (both of us loved jewellery and sarees for sure), the look of approval and appreciation and pride, the smile on her face to see me soon as her  daughter-in-law, and tears come to my eyes. Yes unable to deal with it, not ready yet. Then everyday in the morning she comes in my dreams, this past week. Either like nothing ever happened and we are back home in R.K Puram just doing the daily chores or like how she is watching every action of ours as we go about talking and discussing routine family duties. No I have not accepted the fact yet that what happened was the best thing for you, not yet, You were barely shy of turning 61 years by 4 days and you left us. I talk to my mom everyday, and she comforts me. She misses her companionship. She used to stop by at their place as they were within walking distance and she would serve some lovely filter coffee and they would chat on various topics. I still feel she is right there in R. K Puram home and like nothing ever happened. I dont even want to think what P must be going through in his mind, all those childhood memories....

....But again I truly feel blessed and special to be there, those last moments with you. It meant a lot to me. More for my personal diary so the girls can know more about you. Love you and miss you Maa.

INDIA

And so taking a break from our new jobs and 2 sick kiddos we undertook the much needed trip to India. My poor babies were having a bad cold, fever, and still did very well in the flight I thought. AG didnt sleep all that well but tried to take short naps in intervals. They did have cranky moments also but overall they did really well considering they were sick. So we had to land in Bangalore since my inlaws were at my brother-in-law's. Spent a few days there and headed back to Hyderbad. Nothing like home. Missing inlaws though as they are part of this 'home' set up in HYD and my parents and inlaws lived like a couple of streets away so we functioned as a great team when I visited last year in terms of spending time with kids. The first week was pretty hard. The kids were badly jetlagged. Hungry at odd times. Fever on and off with a bad cold/stuffy/runny nose and cough and majorly congested. Not totally adjusted to the new environment. Cant blame them. P and I ourselves hadnt slept well for past few days since we started new jobs (plus I have ended up with another strep throat issue I think due to change of water/environment)  and kids were down with fever and cold and teething issues then the travel fatigue, over all got on to us and cant imagine what the ladies went through as they cant even express yet. As an adult one needs to have the sense to understand these things about kids. I  tried my level best to comfort them. Now that we are in Hyd and I have my support system (my parents) kids are doing a little better but suddenly on a hunger strike. AL especially has lost a lot of weight.  I feel so bad but its all an experience. That's how kiddos will learn to adjust and respect and also appreciate that traveling does take toll but no matter what you have to be there for the family and friends who really matter to you and ignore the inconveniences and negativities surrounding it.

I think we have lived the text book example of parents whose kids fall sick when sent to daycare after staying home for a while plus they are twins so makes you feel sickness is so prolonged and endless in the household but its all part and parcel of parenting twins :-)

Phew!

Indeed! Its been hectic past few days, not as hectic as its been exhausting. AG got a fever again since we had another set of friends visit us from NJ. The week passed ok as she recovered from her viral or whatever and the following weekend both of them had a throw-up session late on last Saturday night. They probably puked non stop almost 7-8 times lasted for an hour and then slept. I was scared. Called the doc who claimed a stomach bug is going around. But my guts tell me something they ate didnt quite suit them. Both of them woke up aroudn the same time and went on and on until they got all food out of their system and back to normalcy from next day. Plus both of them have a cold now and AL is badly congested and hardly slept last night so is home with me napping all morning while AG is in daycare. AG got mild fever early this week but it subsided. So we have been living the text book example of how sick your kids can get when you send them to daycare. Its not a problem to take care of them. But problem is seeing them suffer and all this with brand new jobs for both of us.Yes this is my second week in my job and P's first so its been busy. I have stepped in the office environment alright but weekends have been crazy. Its ok, it shall pass.

Now we have a long journey to India and back. Praying and hoping for everyone's health and well being. And for the special person we are going to see my MIL. P and I feel so zombie-like, tired and sleepy.

No I will not dress them alike

As a mother of 16 (almost 17) months old twin girls I get asked why I dont dress them alike i.e. that is buy the very same dress for both of them. I sometimes say 'they are so different in personalities, I somehow cannot pick the same clothes most of the times' or just dont answer and smile depending. And that's the truth. I can definitely pick clothes based on personality after knowing them for this long ;).  I wonder if its a way parents try to impart they are not showing any difference between children and treat them equally. But through buying same clothes? Hmm?

But I am not sure about other twin moms or in fact parents of more then one child. I dont agree one should dress them alike. Saying that I do find one such outfit which is very cute that both will look good in, I try to get a  different color with the same pattern, but mostly they never dress alike. I completely respect parents opinion who like to dress them alike. In fact why twins?, there are parents who have kids apart and yet dress them similarly just buy outfits of different sizes like you would for twins typically. Back in the days when (parents generation and older) parents would buy cloth/dress material of the same pattern and dress all the kiddos alike (just different sizes obviously). One lady mentioned to me if you dont dress them alike they will start comparing one another's outfits soon. Well! we will just have to deal with it I guess and even the kids will have to. If they end up wanting the same outfit of the bunch I pick for their selection fine by me, if they dont that's fine too.

Back to sickies

So while I hoped for a sickness free month at least cos I was starting a new job. AL had one last weekend. Friends from CT had come over for the weekend. It was fun but AL's viral again threw us off our routines. She stayed home for few days before she joined her sister at daycare. We had another set of friends visit us this weekend and AG is running a fever. They had their follow up flu shots on Friday. But this could be either effect of that or another viral. Hopefully it goes away tomorrow and its a one off due to the shots or we have to take her to the doc's. This is the world of parenting twins who goto daycare, its wild but well worth it.

So majorly sleep deprived. Sleep is so underrated I tell you :-) Ask parents of infants and toddlers. ;) I think by the time they grow up and we get our sleep routines back, our age will not let us sleep as we used to. I can see that happening already. I could stay up all night and just sleep early morning till late afternoon,or rather any time to catch up lost sleep. Now that 'anytime' thing doesnt work. I shouldnt blame the age though. Its the responsibilities undertaken by choice mostly. No complaints, the early morning giggles and hugs and nose rubs (kisses in kiwiana-like :)) more than compensate the off-schedules and sleepless nights. For a person who had good 8 hours sleep and never did housework until marriage like most of us probably, this is a 360 degree spin. Tremendous respect for self and awe for this mystical journey undertaken- parenthood!

Work From Home

So officially work-from-home days are being numbered. Its almost a year that I have worked from home (10-11 months) and I am looking forward to transition into an office environment soon, although a little nervous. Undoubtedly this has been one of the best things to happen ever. I started working since girls were 7 months old and they now 16 months and have been working from home with my twin girls with a nanny full time initially to help me during the day. Then parents came over to spend time and help us out for 6 months. And finally we transitioned the girls to daycare and I am transitioning back to 'the office'.

If you ask me I do not enjoy work-from-home in general. I love the hustle-bustle of the office environment. It helps you focus and seperate the work and family life which I prefer. I also enjoy interacting with people etc. But having young babies WFH was a huge blessing and in some sense a miracle for me. Simply cos for my kind of job profile WFH is not an easy option. I was able to watch my babies so closely grow and witness them reach various milestones while having a career that I am really grateful for. Mom always says how she wished she had this option back in the days. She has been a working mother, neither her nor I regret her NOT staying at home (more on that later). But an occasional work from home option would have been nice :-)

But personally for me it helps me have a better routine when I 'go' to work. An occasional day here and there is fine, sometimes it helps you get more work done if your bogged down by meetings at work. But overall having exposure to office environment feels more healthy some how for me. And especially at this point of time when kids also are into daycare. ...It will definitely take me a few days to fall into a proper routine though :-).

My two cents, but its rather banal: Key to WFH is sticking to routine and timings. Overlap between personal and work life to some extent is unavoidable (we have to be realistic), but WFH teaches you to really  'prioritize'  in your life. There might be an occasional setback of either work or family life (children's sickness or important deadline at work perhaps?)  but of course if either really slips or ends up impacting another part of your life, you are not doing something right?

I dont take a 'lunch' break at work, I eat at my desk and take a short walk or some such break. So taking the whole lunch hour at home does not work for me. But I guess for someone who is used to it, they should definitely take the time out. I used it for running errands like bank or quick grocery or pharma purchases or cook dinner, but rarely. Plus since some of my colleagues were on EST and most of them on PST I could start and finish early or start late and finish late. So luckily I could adjust the day based on how it progressed with kids. Of course meetings are meetings no escaping there. I usually logged in late after kids slept for 2 hours at night (8 to 10 typically) so I could get some time for myself and finish any pending tasks at work plus the feeling of sleeping babies is itself very soothing. So over all I made it work and I completed all my tasks. I was also lucky in the sense that the brand I was working for was relatively a 'low hanging fruit' so results of my performance were evident.

I was also very careful the kids should not be heard in any meetings or chats. I was very conscious of that and made the best use of the mute button. I feel it can rub some people in the wrong way. Every one has different mentalities and when you hear some one is working from home, some can over-analyze the positives rather than the challenges. I was wary that it could be interpreted as me enjoying time with kids along with work while others are putting in those long hours in an office. Yes I dont undermine use of some basic Psycology at work. :-)

A good find

So I discovered that BJs sells fresh, organic pasta in their ready to eat section. I got it for the first time last week. I believe they have spinach and cheese ravioli and Squash ravioli varieties in vegetarian section anyway. I quite liked it. It also motivated me to make some homemade marinara/pasta sauce. For the first time I made it and turned out yum. I just made very little as a trial run. I need to get basil when I make it next. Its such a simple recipe. AL and AG both showed interest as sometimes they are bored of the usual daal-chawal- veges combo and they like to eat themselves these days anyway.

AG and AL are fond of ParleG since a few months now. Thanks to my parents who are used to biscuits with morning tea. It used to be a pleasent site in the morning to watch Grandparents and Granddaughters relishing ParleG sitting quietly on the couch at 7am. Well it was mostly AG. (AL was a late latif, she tends to sleep much after AG and wake up much later).

Life's simple pleasures....

A great weekend and some brags!

After a few weeks we finally had a pretty good weekend. Girls like most kids have got adjusted to day care, they cried a little when I dropped them last week and when I turned my back and watched them on the camera they did fine. This week they have even stopped shedding those tears and are happy to be with people their own age for a few hours. I want to almost brag that this is a miracle ;) but its not miraculous, most kids get adjusted and they adjust much better than older people :-) If they dont well we always have some alternative or the other? Initially I thought that this was not going to work out, I could not see them shed tears. We started them part time from 14 months but they barely went in for a few days and didnt do very well. Everyone told me it will get fine and I knew it would but I was so disturbed to see them cry initially. I hate it that they cant fully express themselves and cry, but its part of growing up. They had a bout of viral end of August, then a teething session, then a bad cold but in the mean time those intermittent visits to day care did familiarize them with the surroundings in the mean time. Come 16 months they are off full time and are doing ok. They will adjust much better after a month or so and I wont be surprised if in between we end up with a cold or some such sickness yet again :-(

So I meant to brag about past weekend. Perfect weather and we made it finally to 'Day out with Thomas' AG is the one who is head over heels in love with the tank engine. She was awestruck and expressions were priceless. While we waited for our turn to ride on the train, we had like a waiting period of 1 hour, we spent it in an indoor play area. What we realized was AL simply adjusted very well in new surroundings. She walked straight to those lego toys amid some older kids already playing there, not afraid or overwhelmed and started playing, even smiled and said hi yes my 16 month old can say Hi and Bye very well since she was 13-14 months old. AG is a bit shy, she will tip toe, look at us then slowly blend in. She can get a bit scared of some personalities and run back to us but go back and play again, that's what she did. One such instance AL was playing with a toy crane and some boy stood in between her crane and her, she got mad and she 'almost' yanked that crane at him. Dear God! I ran to her and asked her not to hit, took her to the side and explained, she was too excited and went back and started playing again. AL is our official 'hitter' her instincts tell her to hit if she doesnt approve of something, she hits you with whatever she has in her hand or her hand itself. No one ahs taught her nor has she seen it, she just does it! I know many people might think oh she is a kid, so cute. And mind you her expressions when she hits you are very mature and funny and that cracks me up, but I dont approve of such behavior. I always stop her and try to discipline her right away, she will get it someday and its hopefully soon, but I am being consistent with disciplin-ing her. AG has more tolerance and patience some how she doesnt hit back if her sis ever attacks her, she looks at us with sad eyes, but of course that's cos we are around, if we arent they am sure she would hit back or push or some such force will be used. On that note she was the 'biter' she would bite AL when she was mad or didnt have her way. But I like to think my consistent 'no -no -no ing' and time outs have helped her fight the habit. But I am yet to apply timeouts for hitting on AL.

Anyway I digress, so Day out with Thomas was fun, we got a whistle for them and a balloon and they had F-U-N! It was a 40 mile drive from Waltham but was worth it. Also it was their first train ride and it happened to be on Thomas, how cool is that ;) Today's generation has taken a big leap forward that way. My twins actually came home from the hospital for the first time in a Black BMW, could you beat that ;)Sunday we took them to Parlee farms, apple picking, hay rides, pumpkin patch, farm animals - was fabulous. A little too hot but yet fun. AG walked like a daada eating an apple amid the apple trees refusing to pick any fruits. AL follows instructions pretty well (so far anyway ;)). She plucked them (she tried to but couldnt put enough pressure so I plucked them for her) and would neatly and carefully put in the bag. The trees had low hanging fruits, so great for toddlers. Unfortunately some people had thrown half eaten apples here and there and hence there were a lot of bees that got a bit annoying to walk around with toddlers. Our freinds from our condos who also have 8 month old twins joined us. Got some fab pictures. On the way back we even managed to take a quick darshan at Durga pandal in Billerica (Marshall Middle School) and on the way back AL pointed to the full moon and said mooooon, 2 weeks back I had shown her the moon from the balcony during a good night session (saying good night to every object around) and told her its the MOON and there you go, what can I say :-)

October 8th exactly 2 years since I found out we were expecting our first child (got to know its children much later :-)) ah! still remember the feeling of the onset of motherhood :-)

..and yet again...

So I had to disappear again cos my first born got another viral, her third fever in a month and congestion which has been continuing for over a week now (first being another viral and second due to teething). She recovered and are off to daycare today. But it really got me worried. Not to mention Annie the second one has been suffering from congestion for a while now. Runny nose and little bit of cough and the mucous, eeks! Their sickness throws us so out of schedule (still trying to get into one with day care having just started), lack of sleep, hence low energy levels etc which is all part of parenting and it can get hard with twins, or more than one child in general, but no complaints. The biggest issue being undoubtedly to watch them suffer and go through it. I have to keep reminding myself that this is only helping them get stronger and build immunity and strengthen it. Phew! I have been very critical this past month of the day care somehow. Nothing is good enough for my girls. I was talking to my aunt who has twins and she was mentioning how she was on the same boat as I am not many years ago. Even having a Nanny dosent help as you end up doing main things cos you want it that ‘certain’ way. Learning to let-go is hard but we have to do it. For starters I have slowly decreased carrying and lifting the girls as before. First one year somehow my parents and P & I would love to carry them around, somehow it was irresistible and I still don’t know how some people claim they never carried their babies around as much they just played by themselves. Plus mine were not overly chubby kids so that made it easy. Now that they are older and getting more independent we are letting them get through their tantrums on their own. They have to cry it out if that makes them feel better and come back to reality on some occasions.

So managed to watch Delhi Belly finally. It’s a pretty gross comedy. Over all I found the plot funny. Last weekend we had our luncheon at Wasabi, Sushi place that serves food on the conveyer at Natick Mall. We liked the food, of course as a vege there are some basic options available and it was decent. The vegetarian/vegetable sushi was overdone, too many things going on. I preferred the cucumber and avocado sushi roll and so did the kids. Kids savored it, maybe more for the open ambience too that made a picky eater like Aanie eat a few grains. Aadu nibbled on the PBJ rolls served with rice on the side (I know I thought it was odd, but I guess a Sushi place is willing to serve sesame and cucumber flavored rice on the side with kids meals is ok?). I hadn’t shopped in advance for the winter for the girls. I am cutting down on a lot of stuff, clothes, books etc so until then I don’t want to hoard anything in advance, so we have been shopping for jackets and clothes for kids as and when we happen to stop at the mall. My favorite spots for the girls are Gymboree and Gap Kids as of now. This weekend didn’t find anything interesting though. Picked up winter head gear at Macy’s, where we had stopped to buy a toaster there, since ours is not working any more. It gave a pretty good service for 5 years and it just died few weeks back, so it’s been a pain to toast in the pan on the stove.

Fall has set in officially I guess, its already early sixties today. A busy week at work….yawn!!!

Its been so long...

Gosh! Its been a while since I have posted. Where was I? Lot happened. With start of day care for the girls, we experienced our very first viral fever, cold, congestion and fever. Plus P and I managed to catch it from them too. So it was one germy household. Luckily they caught it one after another. We learnt a lot of do's as first timers, a lot of phone calls to the Doc and visits. Just a week after they got another cold. Since I am still working from home, we pretty much made them bunk school and we had them with the Nanny and me with the previous setup before parents came. Its a tough call but like everyone we make the decision as we feel best for our kiddos, so we let them fully recover from sickness and regain their appetite before sending them back in.

After they recovered my parents also returned back home. I know perfect timing, they are a blessing that way, they are always by my seide just when you need them, extra bonus for being an only child, missing them terribly. So its just us. Actually it was just us when the second round of cold started. Its still lingering mildly now but they are teething with their first molars too. So it kept us nice and busy. In the mean time we got done with their 15 months vaccinations and gave them their first flu shot since they will be going to day care.

So lets just say their 15th-16th month was spent for the first time in trying to build immunity. In the mean time I have been trying to get into a routine. Basically yours truly didnt enter the kitchen for past 6 months, well that's an exaggeration (I dont deny I am a spoilt brat ;)). I did enter the kitchen to cook for the girls and all their needs, rest of the household needs mom took care off (besides spoiling the girls thoroughly ;)).

In the mean time fall has kinda set in, well it did past week, and now since a couple of days its back to being warm again. Looking back it was one fun summer having parents over and taking the girls out and watch them experience a lot of firsts - first trip to the zoo, the beach, carousel rides, museum etc etc

"The Good Enough Mother"

A refreshing post on Mommyhood - Courtesy HDYDI

You are a good enough mother.

There is a psychological concept actually called “The Good Enough Mother.” This was developed from Donald Winnicott, a British physician later turned psychiatrist whose prime was in the days of psychoanalysis (Think Freud, the lie on the couch and tell me all your dreams guy).

Winnicott wrote that the good enough mother adapts and responds to the child’s needs, thus teaching the child that he/she has some sense of control over their caregiver, which eventually builds comfort and trust of the mother.

He also noted that the interactions between parent and child really do matter, because they teach us how to respond and what to expect of the world around us.

It turns out that if you actually are perfect that you might be modeling irrational and impossible behaviors that could confuse kids into thinking that their imperfections make them not good enough, or even unlovable. Oh, Hello, my old friend shame….

In other words, your failure to perfectly meet and adapt to every single need of your child actually builds a realistic expectations in your child’s mind. His or her acceptance of and adaptation to the reality that the world is a harsh place that isn’t always perfect, convenient or fair is REALLY important to successful adulthood. Put even more simply, some amounts of Mom Failure = Good.

A good enough mother meets her child’s needs but BALANCES her response to the child (in age appropriate ways of course!). She does not run herself ragged trying to perform well enough for love and acceptance from her kids or spouse. She makes mistakes, she apologizes. She has emotions, she works hard. She is real. So when the going gets tough and you wonder if you are good enough. Give yourself a break. You are.

Teaching our kids that we are real and not just apron wearing robots is what is really important because after all, we’re not raising kids, we’re actually raising adults.

Shammi Kapoor

I grew up watching and listening to Shammi Kapoor movies/songs (Thanks to my Dad). I have a lot of fond memories of watching his movies, very energetic and exuberant actor. I know some people thought he 'overacted' and could not appreciate his acting/dancing as much, but everyone's tastes differ. I loved it. His 'joie de vivre' roles were pleasing to watch and contagious that I enjoyed watching. I have easily watched and enjoyed over a dozen movies or so of his as I dont think has done as many movies as some other actors and he mostlyhad hits in the 60's. One of my favorite songs of his is 'Ehsaan tera hoga mujh par.." and 'Chand sa Roshan Chehra.." in the fast paced action songs of his.

The week

And so the girls and my mom and I have been taking the girls to visit the day care past week to settle them in. Annie has been quite upset with this new change while Aadu is a bit ok. She is getting distracted but Annie reminds her of how unacceptable this whole change is :-) I was totally expecting this and yes this has got me exhausted a bit to watch them be 'not-so-comfortable'. But its part of thegame eh? As of now I am hopeful that like all other kids they will get used to it,... soon in the next fortnight or so. I know some parents claim their kids didnt create much scenes and settled in well, but my offsprings arent those indifferent kinds, they are attached and expressive, which I am glad. So we have to see how they will do this week. Its raining and Aadu is running a low grade fever so didnt take them there today. Over the weekend they had too much fun at Wingaersheek Beach and I think they got a bit exhausted playing in the water and sand although they loved it. It was amazing to see them happy not being disciplined and being allowed to play in the water and sand and get messy, priceless :-) The beach was recommended by a friend and is a kid friendly beach, with shallow waters and soft sand. I would definitely recommend this for parents with young kids. Also this was the first time I was taking the kids to a beach and I heard some kids dont do well with sand and water the first few times. I am glad my girls did well. I think they will turn out to be outdoorsy as they love to go out. That totally means I have to have a solid winter acitivity plan for them:-)

Happy Birthday to me :-)

Red roses, a lovely dinner at Margarita's with the most important people in my life, and especially 2 young ladies in the high chairs at our table completely made my day :-)

And so I am out of my lovely 20's and hoping the journey to an even better decade starts. Lots of exciting , and some unhappy incidents, including some miracles even have occurred past decade or so. I will not blow my trumpet to show off my achievements, nor will I dwell on some unhappy ones.

To keep it short and sweet at this point of time, I count my blessings and hope for a less bumpy ride ahead.

Day care search and Reviews: Waltham

Written on 08/04/2011 Posted on 08/08/2011

So I have been reading up and shortlisted 6 day care centers for my girls. I have read about day cares and specially about twins in general at day cares. I wanted to choose something close to home, so either P or I could pick them or drop them up and wouldnt be out of any one's way as such. The following are the shortlisted ones:

1. Waltham Family Day care (Family/Home Day care)

2. Erica's Family Day care - 360 Weston St Waltham (She does not have a website currently) -(Family/Home Day care)

3. Learning Zone Waltham

4. Bright Horizons Waltham

5. Childrens' Workshop, Waltham

6. Learning zone, Weston

Anyway the 1st and 6th one did not happen. First one I wasnt impressed with the phone call. The lady who seemed to be the one incharge was talking to me over the phone while I was making an appointment and minding the children at the same time talking to them. I was unfortunately not able to make it to the appointment anyway as something else came up. The last one I havent been able to make an appointment. Its a little further down from where we are compared to the Waltham branch.

Erica's Day care: This was the very first day care I entered in my life to (potentially) send my daughters. The lady in charge was sweet and cordial. The set up was in the basement, but their house is in a good spot so the basement is very bright and in fact unlike a basement. I saw about 4 girls sit with her assistant looking vacantly and trying to use scissors to cut. The assistant was cutting very queitly and kids seemed a bit quiet. It was 9:30am so wasnt their nap time or anything. It was right after breakfast. Two infants were sleeping in the crib. One of them started crying amid my conversation with her. She continued I advised her if she wants attent to the child she could, she brought him out, she said, he cried cos he heard her voice he dosent want to nap. He was a cute 7 month old chubby kid. He sat on the bouncer watching us after that. We also met a friend's son there, he was too surprised to see us there. This being my first experience, I was not able to control my tears. I was talking to that lady and tears were flowing down my eyes. I am not sure what it is. The feeling of girls being away from me, away from sheltered home? or the vacant look in the kids eyes, made me sad! Its not really guilty though that's for sure. If I was guilty I woudnt have been there. I would be home with my children. I got into the car, got over my feelings, wiped my tears. I guess since my kids are toddlers and already active and learning stage I did not find this an appropriate place to send my children. Maybe if there were infants and I was going back to office environment when they are 3 months I would have considered it, due to personal attention, less number of kids and hence the sickness. But anyway next in line was Learning zone. In terms of pricing she was ok. Equal to how much I'd pay for a Nanny if kids stayed home. She would provide lunch and snacks but even we could do so. She was charging 600 dollars a week.

Learning zone, Waltham: We entered Learning Zone and the lady at the reception was on the phone, we waited and then she spoke to us and we went in for a tour. Infant rooms, Toddler rooms, Pre-K, etc The environment was very lively and there were lot of kids. Teachers looked engaged, they were all busy either going out to play in their play area or reciting ABCs etc. Kids looked happy, waving saying Hi. Great atmosphere. The best part is they have a camera so parents can watch the kids any point of time during the day based on their schedule of course if they are out playing or next room having lunch etc we cannot. They serve snacks. So we could either provide lunch or buy lunch for 2 dollars from them. They have the usual complete menu like every where else. The only initial concern we had was in case of emergency will number of teachers be able to handle all kids and escape. Its only after being to the other 2 day cares we realized yes they probably can and I should think of such things. Ratio is 2 teachers to 9, which they have to follow leagally and any more in the group they have a third person. Toddlers are now mobile so they are assissted to run down (its on the first floor) and then other teachers would take care of infants I suppose. They are the only occupants on top in that building so that's great, less tresspassing etc. Over all it was a neat place, just couple of hundreds more than Erica's day care in terms of pricing for twins it works out to be $2600 ish. So definitely 4 stars for this one.

Bright Horizons, Waltham: As soon as we entered we realized we were entering the 'private schooling' kinds. Staff was very cordial and warm when they received us, we hadnt booked a tour. The place was pretty neat. We visited their infant, toddler rooms downstairs, and indoor play and pre-K etc on top floor. Quick round of the outdoor play area. It was pretty, neat and well maintained. The kids were not as many (versus the size of the place) so it was not as noisy. Kids seemed to be enjoying though. They apparently maintain a scrap book, click kids pictures every day (the fancy, nice-to-have stuff for extra dollars kinds), over all for full time toddlers they charged $2000 per month per child. So definitely pricey for this age. Four stars for this one too.

Children's workshop, Waltham: We entered a strip mall and one of the entrance was Children's workshop, it shared the entrance with some other salon/spa or something, so it wasnt totally secured in that sense. They have sort of combined stores all into one and divide dinto classrooms, they are pretty small, but are expanding, their play area was pretty good and big. The location was such that it seemed a bit scatterd and unorganized. Staff looked a bit stressed, could be cos it was almost lunch time past 11am. Rooms were smaller than previous ones, so kind of felt conjusted. Again maybe after they expand and construction is complete its a better place. They charged about 400 dollars per toddler per week full time. So its not like its that low. Curriculum for Toddlers this age (15 months -2 years) is not very strict or different either. Above 2 I certainly feel could make a difference.

So the clear winner for us Learning zone. Lets see how this new experience goes. I am only concerned about me missing them terribly and the pain I would have to go through to see them as they gain their immunity and fall 'sick' now and then. But other than that I think they should do ok. I dont know. My girls are social at this stage but they are also not indifferent. I believe some kids go to day care and just adjust and hardly shed any tears. Both my girls are affectionate that way and express it, so I think intially there will be tears. But I also know that is what is best for them. They need more activities at this age and have friends. I hope it goes well. Crossing my fingers. Learning zone did say they cannot put the kids in the same room initially but later they said they could accomodate them. I have been going through this same class or different debate in my mind. At this stage I believe I would like them to be in the same class. The girls do bond quite a bit, they dont express it that's all. It will be a lot of changes at once if we seperate them now.

Overall I was keen to send the girls to an established day care which has reviews and references. I would be apprehensive to send them to a place which has kids not so active like at Family day care I visited, where its unorganized, or they are too new (inexperience and no credentials) or expanding like Workshop or where the teachers or not young and dynamic. A place which has energy :-) The rest of the skills learnt are individual and depends on parents too :-) 

Daily Musings

One very good thing about FB is that it reminds you about everyone's birthdays. So if you are able to log in every other day, you get to wish most of your friends, aquaintances, family, et al. Other sad thing is that it makes people who could just call and wish you lazy as they choose to wish you on FB instead. I have made it a point that as much as possible if I have someone's personal phone number with me, I will make it a point to call and wish them. Even if its brief, it is personal.

So I speak, with my own birthday being a week away from today :-) ;)

Oh and BTW I watched Khatta Meetha (Akshay Kumar, Trisha starrer) was pretty lousy, didnt do any justice to a serious issue nor was it a successful comedy attempt. Still due to watch all the big ones, DB Singham etc

Addie and Annie (and I must say the Mommy cos I feel their pain deep inside and it hurts) managed to fall from the couch on the floor. Addie's was worse, but both did ok. Phew! Yes my heart almost stopped twice past weekend. And while I thought I could wait till the terrible twos to start, at 14 months my girls attempt to do what they are not 'supposed/allowed' to and immediately look at me and wave their index finger and say 'NO NO NO'. They also seem to be minding one another at times. And I know what's coming next, 'minding Mommy's business' times ahead. :-) Girls I tell you ;)

When Motherhood is a choice and is misused...

Last Monday our Nanny came in as usual, but a bit tired. She had a story to tell, she was tired as she ended up taking care of a bunch of kids on short notice. Her sisters, sisterinlaw (if I am not mistaken) is a drug addict and an alcoholic and has 5 children and is currently pregnant with the sixth, the kids have now come to stay with her sister as social services was concerned that their own home wasnt safe for the kids anymore. The oldest one is 11 years or so apparently and behaves and dresses like an older girl, yes going astray and she is a pretty little darling. One of the girls has cross eyes and is in a cocoon of her own due to poor self esteem (she has been shunned at home by her mother for her cross eyed face). The youngest one has blisters all over and is blue due to a strep throat infection that was not treated since 6 months (which is what triggered social services to interfere as the doc called them). As she kept describing tears flowed in my eyes - why? some people have a choice - apparently this lady chose to have kids because she would get some extra amount from the Government for having so many kids, and the money is being spent on her own addictions. Sad. On one end I know people are starving and begging for a living and have more kids, so they can help them financially and be their souce of income? On one end people who are slightly better off as they have basic necessities 'provided to them' choose to abuse their children and use them just as a source of income so they can pursue their self-destructive addictions. Shame. And then on the other end there are people who are patiently waiting and craving for Motherhood to happen. Such is the imbalance. Appalling. Life.

I am back

After a pretty long hiatus - I am back to writing in public. Its been a while. Where was I? I was off enjoying every moment being pregnant the initial 9 months. I blogged a lot, a lot about pregnancy and as a to-be mother of twins.Then I was finally a proud mother of two of the most beautiful girls ever :-) and I continued blogging everything and anything. Girls are 14 months old, (so a good 9+14 months I was MIA, man! that's almost 2 years) I finally did the whole 'import-export' and split my blogs into two - one continues to be the master copy of my past 23 months and henceforth the 'personal blog' and the other this general rollercoaster blog. I did leave a very few posts in between to bridge the gap so to speak :-)

So to bring this blog up-to-speed. Lady Aadie graced our lives some 14 months back and 13 minutes after Lady Annie followed. Needless to say our lives have changed from being great to greater :-) A lot has happend since then, a 3 month India trip, meeting a lot of family members and friends there, a new job etc

I will try my best not to keep bragging about the Ladies as much as possible, (its extremely hard but I will try :-)) So I am currently a working Mommy. I got back into the workforce when girls were about 7  months old. Loving every moment and no regret whatsoever. So far no complaints. It must be so difficult with twins? No its is not. It is some additional effort in comparison to bringing up one child (rewards are also doubled mind you)- yes but not difficult. I will have it no other way. :-) How did I manage so far? With a wonderful husband, parents, and myself doing a great job + Nanny :-) .

The difference in approach

Annie comes across as meticulous. She will wait for the right moment try to avoid 'falls' as much as possible and finally she will gauge when she is ready and that's how she decided to walk by taking baby steps at 11 months. Lady Addie pushes herself to the limit. She perseveres, does not care if she falls, stands up and tries again and until she was able to walk at 10 months itself (baby steps started at 9 months). we learn so much from kids I tell ya!

A guilt-free working Mommy

I know I am supposed to feel guilty. I work full time from home. I have 2 kids, I dont "dedicate" myself completely to them, instead share the work load of the house with P and hire a full time Nanny. Guess what I dont feel guilty a tiny bit for doing this. My girls are my priority. I love them. My family of course COMES FIRST. But that does not mean I have to give up my career. Hey my attitude is if I should be able to manage, and more than able to manage, manage WELL. If not its not worth it. And we have no complaints so far. I always told P that I want to try managing both career and kids and home. If I cant well I know what my priorities are and I will gladly choose family over career. But without trying I will never decide it. I know many people even today give up their career for kids. I respect that. That is their choice. I dont think they are being better mothers just by staying home and I dont think working mothers are being bad mothers just cos they also choose to work. Yes I agree its hard, a lot of juggling and super busy lifestyle. But its a personal choice. Even some mothers who stay home not necessarily are able to devote quality time due to exhaustion and routine-boredom. In my case if and if I ever feel its getting too much and I am missing my girls I will quit that very moment.