Trust

I read somewhere how trust is like a paper once crumpled it can never be the same again. This is exactly why certain people may have to be removed from your inner circle ..you simply cannot take a chance!

My little DDs when you grow up you will have to make some tough choices and decisions and move on. 

Move on matey!

A lot depends on level of maturity which only comes through experience on how you feel on the inside and how you portray yourself to the outside world, which as we know can be two different things. When we make a decision however big or small we live through its consequences and for everyone things have a way of working out. You might want to shout it from the roof tops (currently Facebook I suppose ;)) that it went really well or  it absolutely sucked or you might keep it to your self. 

People will find happiness and contentment and things will work out - eventually! Period! 

STOP justifying the decisions made, if you are having to address and acknowledge it time and again could mean there is regret?

LOST!

That is what I have been feeling since over a week – just lost; when you lose a family member who is the backbone of the family for years and has an aura around her. A lady I was so proud of and derived my strength and heritage from, and someone who possessed so much radiance and warmth that it was beyond comparison. How am I to overcome such loss? Helpless is what I feel as my Ajji was found with a stroke and she was laid to rest few days back. A lot of emotions and memories, lots to talk about, I am unable to even pen down this loss right now. Absolutely not come to terms with it and at this point not even sure if I ever will. All I want ..............is this little lady with salt/pepper hair lying down with me on the sheet spread over the cool floor, on a hot summer afternoon, smelling of amrutanjan, fighting her sleep, narrating Ramayana and I would stop her at the part when payasam was being served to King Dashratha before the sons were born and I would get distracted and ask her to make some for me and that she would, a small portion just enough for me which I would lap like a puppy and then lie down again for her to continue the story until I napped.

Sychophancy

Stumbled upon this article I thought was somewhat well written. Sycophants who you meet in your daily life are hard to describe. Every opportunity is used for self-interest, flattery in public to gain position and recognition. Its contagious too, sycophancy only breeds more sycophancy.

Satyamev Jayate

We managed to watch the 2 episodes of Satyameva Jayate and it was very good. As a mother of two lovely toddlers for me the ability for someone to present and talk about some issues like these feels pretty amazing. Good work by Aamir Khan for using his means to bring such issues in the forefront. On the other side there are issues that just come and go as a wave, hopefully it does not get lost and this results in some actions by concerned authorities.

Its not easy though and it is not just about creating chapters and amendments in current laws, not just about it anyway, its the mind set of the people that has to change and that freaks me out. For example it was cited a judge did not find anything wrong in the father and pathetic in laws eliminating girls and wanting a boy. (here the daughter-in-law wants to keep her female child and that is what the issue is about, If even she does not want it then its a bigger issue is what I am saying). If the judge was bribed to say something like that and he did it for money I could understand (Its wrong but understand some people have temptations) but if he really believes what he said and that was his own thinking and opinion/view - then that is what is sad and needs to change.

A grandmother of twin girls manages to push a baby wrapped in a cot through the stairs, she is a Principal of some school apparently, imagine a woman as a head of a school who is supposed to mold future citizens and young men and women having such values? That is what is outright scary. And finally the scariest part of it all is all women, doctors, mothers-in-law, mothers themselves craving for a son is one thing but killing the baby girl and hoping to conceive only a boy is unpardonable and unacceptable.

That is why the change has to come from within and values have to change!

But I have to ask.....

If people believe they want "the son" at any cost and should not eliminate girls, would some of them then just mechanically keep producing until they get a boy? even though they cannot afford financially?

Or dump the girl after she is born since she cannot be killed in the womb based on sex (its considered a crime by the country and not them)?Or probably sold since she is not "the son" they wanted? Or just ill-treated within the family and treated a burden?

Would this lead to more child labor/abuse etc then? Would that very same girl then think I wish I were not born?

Phew! your head just spins thinking about some of these issues and examples cited. Finally I always believed and reiterate education and money has nothing, nothing to do with the values you believe in. The Judge and Principal and many more examples we see in our every day lives who are so proud of not their "child" but their "son" prove it to me time and again.

The toughest part besides a lot of tears here and there for me was the initial speech Aamir Khan gave in the first episode on Motherhood and importance of a Mother in one's life, I could not, could not look at my husband. I know we were both in tears. And for me personally the song in the end was just too sad, about that chidiya, I don't want to listen to it again.

When Motherhood is a choice and is misused...

Last Monday our Nanny came in as usual, but a bit tired. She had a story to tell, she was tired as she ended up taking care of a bunch of kids on short notice. Her sisters, sisterinlaw (if I am not mistaken) is a drug addict and an alcoholic and has 5 children and is currently pregnant with the sixth, the kids have now come to stay with her sister as social services was concerned that their own home wasnt safe for the kids anymore. The oldest one is 11 years or so apparently and behaves and dresses like an older girl, yes going astray and she is a pretty little darling. One of the girls has cross eyes and is in a cocoon of her own due to poor self esteem (she has been shunned at home by her mother for her cross eyed face). The youngest one has blisters all over and is blue due to a strep throat infection that was not treated since 6 months (which is what triggered social services to interfere as the doc called them). As she kept describing tears flowed in my eyes - why? some people have a choice - apparently this lady chose to have kids because she would get some extra amount from the Government for having so many kids, and the money is being spent on her own addictions. Sad. On one end I know people are starving and begging for a living and have more kids, so they can help them financially and be their souce of income? On one end people who are slightly better off as they have basic necessities 'provided to them' choose to abuse their children and use them just as a source of income so they can pursue their self-destructive addictions. Shame. And then on the other end there are people who are patiently waiting and craving for Motherhood to happen. Such is the imbalance. Appalling. Life.

.....

...maybe in search of some mental peace or maybe it should be just phrased as inner peace...

!

Some things will always remain a mystery in life...right?

Will break through the barrier the next time round - GL - MKS :)

R.I.P MJ

And Michael Jackson is dead. He was probably one of the first singers I listened to when I was growing up and had started listening to International music. Hence Dangerous and History are the two albums I am thorough with and other singles that were hits. I suppose he saw both success and downfall equally. And I personally really regret when people who have lived a great life with so much fame and pomp and glamour or even if its just a simple content life, like we know in real life, eventually have to die with some allegations, some sort of shame, and debt, whatever may be the circumstances. It is very sad.

I didn't care very much for MJ to be very honest. I liked his music, but his looks and dressing and behavior were turn offs. Not to mention the people who would immitate him and his dancing which just made him that much more 'ok! whatever' types! But isn't thats how that's suppose to be? Recognize someone and their contribution only after they are dead.

Even though its directly not related to this, as much as I enjoy and am fascinated listening to 'rags-to-riches' stories, the 'riches-to-rags' is much more heart-wrenching to me. Like I have known, a very distant relative of mine recently experience.

Ok that is 3 sad news in a row (whether I knew them personally or not) but sad. So the next one is going to be a good one! Life has to go on!

So the cookie crumbles...?

Unpredictable: The economy. What to say on so many job losses everyday, hype or no hype.

Overdone: Landing of the plane on Hudson. I understand it was heroic, but.....(yawn!)

Overestimated: Truth always triumps?

Great expectations

Sometimes....

Money can buy love and happiness to a great extent. Its not enough to just be there, to 'be there'. Verbal care and comfort has no value any more, even though thats all you have to give right now.

bla bla

Sometimes things can seem to go so wrong and yet turn out so right for you. And sometimes things can seem so right yet can totally go wrong. But either way most of the times it seems like it happened for a reason, the rest of the times seems erratic to me - that sporadic or intermittent demand as we would call it my DP world.

Isnt honesty the best policy?

I dont like my personal belongings to be touched/used in my absence. No this is not an 'only child syndrome' (or is it? ....whatever!). I dont mind when common things are lying outside and people use them when they really need it, its common sense of what can be used and what cannot be. But digging into my drawer and picking things and using - Naaah! I am sure it is that way with most people. Unless they belong to that accepted close circle of people, no way anyone likes aquaintances do that. Naturally when this hapened to me the other day, I had to inform this person I dont like or appreciate it. Obviously this person didnt take it well. I think this person thought I wouldnt notice, but it was too obvious! Was I rude? My mother thinks I should have let-go of it! I didnt try to argue or be 'rude' I just plainly informed the person. This person was definitely hurt. I do feel bad for that, but what about my feelings, I feel total invaded of my privacy - does that have no value? Was there any other way of dealing with this situation?

Nobody said it was easy!

As banal as it sounds, its true. To empathize is a lot easier than actually going through a situation. I know a person who went through a rough patch and her way of dealing with it was to shut off from the world. Other people criticized, that as much as we empathize and know its hard and tough, this is not the way to react! I thought but would I have reacted differently? maybe yes/maybe not. But I respect that individual's decision. And in the end well we all survive dont we? if we want to live we will endure it, we have no choice. But only the person going through it knows the real pain. Just to say that it depends on how you see things, or its not as bad as it seems and so on and so forth is not totally right. But the fact is our thought-process changes when we are actually going through the same situation. It might seem to you as an impractical way of dealing with hardship or pretty stupid that the person is getting so religious/senti or supersitious.

As much as you want to consider yourself practical and strong, no one can share the pain small or big, but you have to acknowledge to yourself that perhaps if you were actually, actually going through it, you would have also reacted the same way!

The reason I pen this down to re-iterate to myself is cos I reacted to a situation recently by criticizing as well, and realized its not quite right...

Blasts! yet again..Jaipur this time

This happens, now and then to remind all of us - of the other part of the world - thats gory! Its frustrating, makes us angry, targeting innocent people for one's causes, beliefs and frustrations, UNACCEPTABLE! The images hurt, deep inside. And then its typically at a religious place or on a holy day or some such concept (pricks even more!). Reminds us of one of the causes of uncertainty in developing nation as India. This could be any of us! Time passes and we survive! (do we have a choice?), we have to move on; and life goes on......

Dear Samay,

Will this ever end?....

Twelfth Night!

"Anything that's mended is but patched"

~Shakespeare

This applies even to some relationships!

Antsy!

What does not destroy me makes me stronger!

How much more stronger do I get? I have bitten into enough bullets, so what if it was not all that gracefully, each time?

This has to come to an end....soon!

Observation

Its amazing how somethings dont change. People still adore flattery, absolutely like it when they are praised even if it is not true. They think people who praise them are good natured. Hmmmm, cant they see that when someone is overly being good in such short duration in a relationship is simply too good to be true? I have always been the overly frank kinds (who is not appreciated for her frankness at times and comes across as arrogant :( ). I need to learn the knack to get through such people who favor pretentious attitude. I thought by now I would have learnt it - Alas! (deeeep sigh!!!!)

Gosh! I am focusing on petty things.; I should come out of it soon! :)

Honesty - still an existing policy?

I was very surprised when I moved to New Zealand to hear that one of our friend's car while left in the street, parked, had a damaged bumper with a post-it note, with the name and phone number of the person responsible for it (this was in 2003). The person was sorry and was willing to get it repaired. On another occasion I had lost my bus pass in the bus one evening. Next day morning reluctantly I bought the bus ticket and cribbed to my mom sitting beside me for having lost the bus pass. It so happened one lady got into the bus, after me, sat next to my seat then gave me one look and pulled my dirty, discolored bus pass from her bag and handed it to me. She said after you left the bus I saw this in your seat yesterday evening, I was sitting next to you yesterday as well. Yay! I thought, joys of living in a small country. Hence I was not surprised to read the following:

"Researchers planted 960 "lost" cellphones in 32 cities around the world. They then rang the phones to see if anyone would answer, and ranked the cities on how many of the 30 phones left in each place were returned to their owner.

Auckland tied with Budapest, Helsinki, Prague, Warsaw, and Zagreb in eighth spot "

Cool! I thought thats expected Kiwis will do well! I would be very much interested to know the response in India though - any guesses?

Well! Well! Well! Mumbai did better than Auckland (wow!) Mumbai ranked 5th apparently alongside New York and Manila. (I am almost feeling guilty now for having thought for a second that NZ would do better than India)

Interestingly, "The survey found that parents with children were keen to show the right behavior and women were slightly more likely to return phones than men."

And
"Those worried about moral decay can rest easy - judging by the New Zealand result showing people aged over 50 were more likely to claim the phone for themselves, the younger generations are more honest than their elders."

The smallest city surveyed, the Slovenian capital, Ljubljana - population 267,000 - finished first, with 29 of 30 cellphones returned.

The bigger centres showed they still harboured trustworthy souls too, with Canada's largest city, Toronto, second and the South Korean metropolis of Seoul third.The bustling Asian hubs of Hong Kong and Kuala Lumpur shared the wooden spoon, with just 13 phones returned in each city."

So maybe the world is not that dis-honest place after all eh? [The average rate of cell phones returned was 68 percent :)].

In conclusion, I have nothing to complain about - I am glad my motherland and adopted motherland both did well ;)

Source: Auckland's honesty put to test

Finding keepers? not with cell phones, finds study

Emotional abuse

Today at Red Cross (where I volunteer part time) a lady with her child, probably about 2 years old arrived. She was of Hispanic origin came straight up to me and said that her boyfriend had kicked her out of the house, and their daughter, and she was also pregnant and needed some assistance as she didn't know where to go. Today being 5th of July (short work week) the office was just being managed by one Program co-ordinator. I approached her as I had not dealt with such case before. She was a new employee herself and she had to make numerous phone calls to get linked to the right people who could help this lady out. Finally she got in touch with DTA - Government department that provides Transition Assistance.

While the Program co-ordinator was making phone calls (almost took an hour to get to DTA), the 2 year old girl started crying. It was a very heart-rending sight. The girl had entered the office as any other cherubic two year old, happy, smiling and in the world of her own, unaware of mother's problems, asking curious questions. Her mother obviously was bothered by her interruptions and strapped her to the stroller to keep her in one place. Thats when she started crying. She wouldn't stop and she cried so hard that she was gasping for breath. Her mother lost it and started crying herself, this brought tears in my eyes. I was kind of busy talking to couple of others who had come for some other assistance, I wrapped it up quickly and gave the child company, as soon as I would go near her and stroke her hair she would keep quiet. The moment I left her side she would cry bitterly. I was told there were some crackers in the pantry so I offered her which she munched. I told myself how unfair that this little girl should suffer. Finally the guys at DTA asked her to come down by 4pm ( it was already 3 and she had come to us around 2). The co-ordinator got her a cab and they hopped on to it and the girl gave a big wave. She was a beautiful child, unfortunately she spoke only Hispanic so I couldn't really talk to the child.

Later I found out that the DTA guys could provide her immediate emergency relief. The lady had told them that she was experiencing 'emotional abuse' from her partner but not really physical. The DTA guys couldn't provide her relief under the domestic violence category because there was no evident domestic abuse and apparently they do not provide for if its emotional. Hence the service they provided to her was the same as for the 'homeless'.

Some how this whole episode was didactic. I knew that there is an organization called Saheli which helps South Asian Women in Boston and I didn't know about Hispanic women. So now I know about DTA in MA. More over I was also some how not too much aware of 'emotional abuse'. Its typically domestic violence and physical abuse that is always focussed upon, but no one talks about emotional abuse on women. It can be equally scarring, I am sure.

I wanted more clarity on how men might be abusing women emotionally. And I found the following on the internet.

Emotional Abuse of Women by Male Partners: the Facts

In heterosexual relationships, most abuse happens to women by their male partners. Emotional abuse, like physical abuse, is used to control, demean, harm or punish a woman. While the forms of abuse may vary, the end result is the same - a woman is fearful of her partner and changes her behaviour to please him or be safe from harm. Many people think that emotional abuse is not as serious or harmful as physical abuse. Women state that this is not true, and that the biggest problem they often face is getting others to take emotional abuse seriously.

Some tactics of emotional abuse by an abuser are to:

Isolate a woman from her friends, family, cultural or faith community, care providers, and prevent her from having independent activities such as work, English as a Second Language classes or other education;

Act overly jealous or possessive; accuse a woman of having affairs if she talks to another man; coerce her into sexual activity to prove her love;

Criticize a woman constantly - her actions, size and appearance, and abilities;

Use a woman's disability or deafness to demean or control her;

Threaten, intimidate, harass, or punish a woman if she does not comply with her abusive partner's demands;

Use the children to control a woman, for example undermine her authority as a parent or threaten to take them if she should leave;

Make all of the decisions in the family, withhold information and refuse to consult her or about important matters such as where they live, or the family's finances;

Control the money - what is spent, how it is spent, not allow a woman access to financial resources, or conversely not contribute to any of the household expenses

Reference: http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse_facts.html

The above website gives all the details about women abuse and prevention. Its always handy to know your community organizations such as DTA, Saheli etc as even though some of us are lucky and may not experience such hardship at least we would be able to give advise when urgently needed.