Today at Red Cross (where I volunteer part time) a lady with her child, probably about 2 years old arrived. She was of Hispanic origin came straight up to me and said that her boyfriend had kicked her out of the house, and their daughter, and she was also pregnant and needed some assistance as she didn't know where to go. Today being 5th of July (short work week) the office was just being managed by one Program co-ordinator. I approached her as I had not dealt with such case before. She was a new employee herself and she had to make numerous phone calls to get linked to the right people who could help this lady out. Finally she got in touch with DTA - Government department that provides Transition Assistance.
While the Program co-ordinator was making phone calls (almost took an hour to get to DTA), the 2 year old girl started crying. It was a very heart-rending sight. The girl had entered the office as any other cherubic two year old, happy, smiling and in the world of her own, unaware of mother's problems, asking curious questions. Her mother obviously was bothered by her interruptions and strapped her to the stroller to keep her in one place. Thats when she started crying. She wouldn't stop and she cried so hard that she was gasping for breath. Her mother lost it and started crying herself, this brought tears in my eyes. I was kind of busy talking to couple of others who had come for some other assistance, I wrapped it up quickly and gave the child company, as soon as I would go near her and stroke her hair she would keep quiet. The moment I left her side she would cry bitterly. I was told there were some crackers in the pantry so I offered her which she munched. I told myself how unfair that this little girl should suffer. Finally the guys at DTA asked her to come down by 4pm ( it was already 3 and she had come to us around 2). The co-ordinator got her a cab and they hopped on to it and the girl gave a big wave. She was a beautiful child, unfortunately she spoke only Hispanic so I couldn't really talk to the child.
Later I found out that the DTA guys could provide her immediate emergency relief. The lady had told them that she was experiencing 'emotional abuse' from her partner but not really physical. The DTA guys couldn't provide her relief under the domestic violence category because there was no evident domestic abuse and apparently they do not provide for if its emotional. Hence the service they provided to her was the same as for the 'homeless'.
Some how this whole episode was didactic. I knew that there is an organization called Saheli which helps South Asian Women in Boston and I didn't know about Hispanic women. So now I know about DTA in MA. More over I was also some how not too much aware of 'emotional abuse'. Its typically domestic violence and physical abuse that is always focussed upon, but no one talks about emotional abuse on women. It can be equally scarring, I am sure.
I wanted more clarity on how men might be abusing women emotionally. And I found the following on the internet.
Isolate a woman from her friends, family, cultural or faith community, care providers, and prevent her from having independent activities such as work, English as a Second Language classes or other education; Act overly jealous or possessive; accuse a woman of having affairs if she talks to another man; coerce her into sexual activity to prove her love; Criticize a woman constantly - her actions, size and appearance, and abilities; Use a woman's disability or deafness to demean or control her; Threaten, intimidate, harass, or punish a woman if she does not comply with her abusive partner's demands; Use the children to control a woman, for example undermine her authority as a parent or threaten to take them if she should leave; Make all of the decisions in the family, withhold information and refuse to consult her or about important matters such as where they live, or the family's finances; Control the money - what is spent, how it is spent, not allow a woman access to financial resources, or conversely not contribute to any of the household expenses
Reference: http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse_facts.html
The above website gives all the details about women abuse and prevention. Its always handy to know your community organizations such as DTA, Saheli etc as even though some of us are lucky and may not experience such hardship at least we would be able to give advise when urgently needed.
While the Program co-ordinator was making phone calls (almost took an hour to get to DTA), the 2 year old girl started crying. It was a very heart-rending sight. The girl had entered the office as any other cherubic two year old, happy, smiling and in the world of her own, unaware of mother's problems, asking curious questions. Her mother obviously was bothered by her interruptions and strapped her to the stroller to keep her in one place. Thats when she started crying. She wouldn't stop and she cried so hard that she was gasping for breath. Her mother lost it and started crying herself, this brought tears in my eyes. I was kind of busy talking to couple of others who had come for some other assistance, I wrapped it up quickly and gave the child company, as soon as I would go near her and stroke her hair she would keep quiet. The moment I left her side she would cry bitterly. I was told there were some crackers in the pantry so I offered her which she munched. I told myself how unfair that this little girl should suffer. Finally the guys at DTA asked her to come down by 4pm ( it was already 3 and she had come to us around 2). The co-ordinator got her a cab and they hopped on to it and the girl gave a big wave. She was a beautiful child, unfortunately she spoke only Hispanic so I couldn't really talk to the child.
Later I found out that the DTA guys could provide her immediate emergency relief. The lady had told them that she was experiencing 'emotional abuse' from her partner but not really physical. The DTA guys couldn't provide her relief under the domestic violence category because there was no evident domestic abuse and apparently they do not provide for if its emotional. Hence the service they provided to her was the same as for the 'homeless'.
Some how this whole episode was didactic. I knew that there is an organization called Saheli which helps South Asian Women in Boston and I didn't know about Hispanic women. So now I know about DTA in MA. More over I was also some how not too much aware of 'emotional abuse'. Its typically domestic violence and physical abuse that is always focussed upon, but no one talks about emotional abuse on women. It can be equally scarring, I am sure.
I wanted more clarity on how men might be abusing women emotionally. And I found the following on the internet.
Emotional Abuse of Women by Male Partners: the Facts
In heterosexual relationships, most abuse happens to women by their male partners. Emotional abuse, like physical abuse, is used to control, demean, harm or punish a woman. While the forms of abuse may vary, the end result is the same - a woman is fearful of her partner and changes her behaviour to please him or be safe from harm. Many people think that emotional abuse is not as serious or harmful as physical abuse. Women state that this is not true, and that the biggest problem they often face is getting others to take emotional abuse seriously.
Some tactics of emotional abuse by an abuser are to:
Reference: http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse_facts.html
The above website gives all the details about women abuse and prevention. Its always handy to know your community organizations such as DTA, Saheli etc as even though some of us are lucky and may not experience such hardship at least we would be able to give advise when urgently needed.
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