Yay! Inlaws are finally here....

Its interesting how evergreen some movies are. For the nth time watched Manmadhudu and Ninne Peladtha. And yet I was not bored. But yes I guess it eventually wears of (remember Hera Pheri). Today I watched Bawarchi with my in-laws (visiting from India). Yes! the movie spree is on. In-laws finally arrived on Sunday, we had been waiting forever now and finally they are here, which is a great relief :) and a great opportunity to give ....!

Last week did something different with friends - tried Hookah! shaan se we sat outside the restaurant and each of us tried and it was great fun; we actually had people stop by and looking at us. (I miss that attention ;).....received back home). We tried peach flavor among the list of few flavors. Not sure if I will try it again ($30 bucks didn't appeal my purse), but one must try it for the heck of it, its fun.

Journey...

" every one who wishes to gain true knowledge must climb the Hill of Difficulty alone, and since there is no royal road to the summit, I must zigzag it in my own way. I slip back many times, I fall, I stand still, I run against the edge of hidden obstacles, I lose my temper and find it again and keep it better, I trudge on, I gain a little, I feel encouraged, I get more eager and climb higher and begin to see the widening horizon. Every struggle is a victory. One more effort and I reach the luminous cloud, the blue depths of the sky, the uplands of my desire. I am not always alone, however, in these struggles."

Helen Keller - from the Story of my life.

Honesty - still an existing policy?

I was very surprised when I moved to New Zealand to hear that one of our friend's car while left in the street, parked, had a damaged bumper with a post-it note, with the name and phone number of the person responsible for it (this was in 2003). The person was sorry and was willing to get it repaired. On another occasion I had lost my bus pass in the bus one evening. Next day morning reluctantly I bought the bus ticket and cribbed to my mom sitting beside me for having lost the bus pass. It so happened one lady got into the bus, after me, sat next to my seat then gave me one look and pulled my dirty, discolored bus pass from her bag and handed it to me. She said after you left the bus I saw this in your seat yesterday evening, I was sitting next to you yesterday as well. Yay! I thought, joys of living in a small country. Hence I was not surprised to read the following:

"Researchers planted 960 "lost" cellphones in 32 cities around the world. They then rang the phones to see if anyone would answer, and ranked the cities on how many of the 30 phones left in each place were returned to their owner.

Auckland tied with Budapest, Helsinki, Prague, Warsaw, and Zagreb in eighth spot "

Cool! I thought thats expected Kiwis will do well! I would be very much interested to know the response in India though - any guesses?

Well! Well! Well! Mumbai did better than Auckland (wow!) Mumbai ranked 5th apparently alongside New York and Manila. (I am almost feeling guilty now for having thought for a second that NZ would do better than India)

Interestingly, "The survey found that parents with children were keen to show the right behavior and women were slightly more likely to return phones than men."

And
"Those worried about moral decay can rest easy - judging by the New Zealand result showing people aged over 50 were more likely to claim the phone for themselves, the younger generations are more honest than their elders."

The smallest city surveyed, the Slovenian capital, Ljubljana - population 267,000 - finished first, with 29 of 30 cellphones returned.

The bigger centres showed they still harboured trustworthy souls too, with Canada's largest city, Toronto, second and the South Korean metropolis of Seoul third.The bustling Asian hubs of Hong Kong and Kuala Lumpur shared the wooden spoon, with just 13 phones returned in each city."

So maybe the world is not that dis-honest place after all eh? [The average rate of cell phones returned was 68 percent :)].

In conclusion, I have nothing to complain about - I am glad my motherland and adopted motherland both did well ;)

Source: Auckland's honesty put to test

Finding keepers? not with cell phones, finds study

Honey! Honey!

I was generally browsing through to improve my knowledge on 'healthy eating' and I stumbled upon a write-up on honey. Like most of us I know honey is good for health in general and considered better substitute to sugar and so on. But as I started reading this article I realized honey has way too many benefits than I thought, it can provide relief from certain ailments, improve immunity, an essential ingredient in beauty products and so on. I thought I should borrow the content and paste it here so that more people can read it and gain awareness (spread the word).

Source: http://www.geocities.com/mutmainaa/food/honey_cure.html

Listed below are some common problems and ailments which can easily be cured and avoided from the use of Honey:

Skin
Honey is extremely nourishing for the skin when used as face pack and helps in rejuvenating the skin leading to the elimination of fine wrinkles.
It is a good moisturiser.
Honey has considerable Laxative effect on the human digestion system which in turn helps in reducing skin problem ie (pimples) and other problems associated with constipation, which become revealed on the skin.

Antibacterial and antifungal properties
Honey contains many minerals and vitamins beneficial to man. However, one of the most important properties seems to be its antibiotic action.
Honey has been shown to be superior to certain conventional antibiotics in treating some infections.
This bactericide (bacteria-killing) property of honey is named "the inhibition effect". Experiments conducted on honey show that its bactericide properties increase twofold when diluted with water. It is very interesting to note that newly born bees in the colony are nourished with diluted honey by the bees responsible for their supervision - as if they know this feature of the honey.

Healing wounds & grazes
Honey is of value in treating burns, infected surgical wounds and ulcers. Honey is very viscous, enabling it to absorb water from surrounding inflamed tissue. For example, a study in West Africa showed that skin grafting, surgical debridement and even amputation were avoided when local application of honey to wound promoted healing, whereas conventional treatment failed.
For such wounds or Grazes, cover the wound with honey and a bandage.

Diarrhoea
At a concentration of 40%, honey has a bactericidal effect on various gut bacteria known to cause diarrhoea and dysentery

Allergies
Raw honey is an excellent treatment for 90% of all allergies.

Teeth
Although Honey is sweet, it helps to maintain and protect teeth! Its anti-microbial activity has been tested on several species of dental plaque bacteria. A study shows that honey has been proven to sharply reduce acid production, thus killing the bacteria responsible for dental caries, and blocking the growth of oral bacteria.

Stomach Ache
Take 1 teaspoon of honey, juice of � a lemon with a hot glass of water first thing in the morning.

Colds and coughs
Honey is remedial in cases of persistent coughs and sore throat. The strong antibiotic properties it contains coats the throat and reduces throat irritation.
Mix 6 oz. liquid honey, 2 oz. glycerin with juice of 2 lemons. Bottle and cork firmly. Use as required.
For Blocked noses, Place a dessert spoon of honey in a basin of hot water and inhale fumes after covering your head with a towel over the basin.
For Sore throats, Let 1 teaspoon of honey melt in the back of the mouth and trickle down the throat. Eases inflamed raw tissues.
Uneasiness felt in the mouth & throat due to infection can be relieved immediately with honey, so there is extensive scope for honey in cough mixtures & expectorants.
Honey used for children helps inflammatory throat conditions as it both purifies blood.

Digestion
Because sugar molecules in honey can convert into other sugars (e.g. fructose to glucose), honey is easily digested by the most sensitive stomachs, despite its high acid content. It helps kidneys and intestines to function better. Hence honey is beneficial for maintaining a healthy digestive system as well as combating illnesses such as constipation.
For poor digestion, Mix 1:1 honey with apple cider vinegar and dilute to taste with water.
For patients suffering with various maladies of stomach who consume 10 grams of honey on an empty stomach in the morning & not eat anything thereafter for about 1 hour, will start feeling relief from the disorders within a few days.

Weight control
Honey has a low calorie content. Honey, when it is compared with the same amount of sugar, it gives 40% less calories to the body. Although it gives great energy to the body, it does not add weight.

Rapidly diffuses through the blood
When accompanied by mild water, honey diffuses into the bloodstream in 7 minutes. Its free sugar molecules make the brain function better since the brain is the largest consumer of sugar.

Conjunctivitis (pus in the eye)
Honey dissolved in equal quantity of warm water. Apply, when cooled, as lotion or eye bath.

Blood
Honey provides an important part of the energy needed by the body for blood formation. In addition, it helps in cleansing the blood. It has some positive effects in regulating and facilitating blood circulation. It also functions as a protection against capillary problems and arteriosclerosis.

The Heart
British researchers have discovered that honey slows the oxidation of 'bad' IDL cholesterol, which is responsible for causing arteriosclerosis, or hardening of the arteries. So Honey can fight against Colesterol. And the darker the honey, the better.
Pure honey taken with food daily (instead of white sugar) relieves complains of cholesterol.
This is beneficial for those of Old age, sufferers of Heart-disease, Diabetes, High-blood Pressure, Stroke, and others.

Appetite
Honey improves appetite in children suffering from conditions of Appetite loss.

Headaches & Migraine
Take 2 teaspoons at meals to prevent an attack
For Migraines, Take 1 dessert spoon honey dissolved in half a glass of warm water at start migraine. Repeat in 20 minutes if necessary.

Insomnia
Honey helps in nervous disorders including Insomnia and acts as a tonic in recovery of any damage to the human nervous system.
In cases of Insomnia (Sleeplessness) one teaspoon full of honey mixed in luke-warm water (or milk) & drunk before going to bed helps in getting sound sleep.

Stress
Honey in water is a stabilizer - calms highs and raises lows. Use approx. 1:4 honey to water.

Healing
Honey also greatly helps in convalecense as it has properties to make the body heal faster.

Tuberculosis
Honey helps patients suffering from Tuberculosis as it vastly helps in arresting the spread of this disease.

Asthma
Honey helps in conditions of Asthma as many conditions of Asthma respond favourably to Honey.

Fatigue and exhaustion
Honey is best used to increase the physical stamina & energy level of the human body & since honey is easily absorbed in the blood, it is the best ingredient to remove tiredness ad fatigue after hard work almost instantly.
Dissolve 1 teaspoon honey in warm water or quarter honey balance of water in a jug and keep in the fridge. Honey is primarily fructose and glucose and so it is quickly absorbed by the digestive system.

The Old and young
French doctors advise weak, emaciated children & older patients to take honey & cream or honey & butter instead of cod liver oil.
Boiled mild mixed with equal quantity of water & seven percent honey is a fabulous energy packed food for children.

Osteoporosis
1 teaspoon of honey a day helps calcium utilization and prevents osteoporosis. Essential from age 50 onwards.

Burns
Apply freely over burns. It cools, removes pain and aids fast healing without scarring. Apart from being a salve and antibiotic, bacteria cannot live in honey.

Infertility
Honey consumed with milk increases human sperm count to an astonishing degree. Since, basically Sexual Virility is concerned with three fundamental Organs in the male body, all these organs use Glucose and Fructose to obtain energy.
Honey as already mentioned is the best source of the above required sugars. No wonder it�s dubbed the Elixir of life even earning itself clear mention in the Quran as far back as 1,400 years.

Baldness
Scrub the bald area with onions till red. Then apply honey.

Constipation
For patients suffering from constipation as spoon of honey mildly heated with a small quantity of wheat husk added after it is cooled & administered to the patient, gives immediate relief.
Otherwise take � teaspoon honey mixed with � - 1cup warm water 2-3 times a day

Paralysis
The famous physician ibn Sina (Aviccina) writes that licking honey mixed with the extract of boiled rice Wij (Peench in Urdu) helps cure partial facial paralysis.

High Blood Pressure
Take mixed 1 teaspoon honey, 1 teaspoon ginger juice and 1 teaspoon cumin powder 2x a day

Anaemia
Honey is the best blood enricher by raising corpuscle content. The darker the honey the more minerals it contains.

Take 1 ripe banana with 1 tablespoon honey 1-2x a day

Hay Fever
Chewing the tops of comb honey stimulates the immune system due to minute amounts of pollen. During the season chew for 20 minutes a teaspoon of bee capping (tops) five to six times per day. Highly effective and useful for asthma sufferers as well

Insect Bites
According to Islamic medicine, for cases of bite or stinging of poisonous insects, a paste made of one part unsoaked limestone, four parts honey & four parts olive oil applied on the affected part will give immediate relief.

Movies watched last week

I managed to watch 3 movies last week, each very different:

1. Jhoom barabar Jhoom /JBJ
2. The Game
3. To kill a mocking bird /TKMB

I watched JBJ cos a friend of ours just dropped the copy at our place to spread the joy (sarcastic!). The movie was silly, tried hard to make the audience laugh and was not successful at least in our home. Though Abhishek and Preity tried to look cute. be funny - they failed miserably. Obviously the low-light of the movie was Senior Bachchan. What the heck was he thinking wearing that costume, middle of the train station in London? is my only question. Followed by Bobby Deol's painful hairstyle and Lara Dutta - no comments.

The Game, if I thought Bollywood makes silly movies such as JBJ, what about Michael Douglas and Sean Penn's the Game - it was lousy. Sean Penn plans a weird birthday bash for his brother (Douglas). Some of the incidents happening as part of the bash is as follows:
- Douglas is thrown from a cab into the water (locked car doors, he cant even get out!)
- lost in Mexico without a passport overnight
- drugged and believed he lost all his wealth (wealthy man that he is as always)
- and finally made to believe he killed his brother (gun was fake arghh!) and he feels sorry for himself and jumps of this really tall building, committing suicide, only to be saved by the air bed already placed by Penn, cos he knew his brother's reaction, when he realizes he killed his brother.

Are you kidding me? We watch this whole movie and then you tell it was just a birthday present - total crap. I know this is an old movie (1997 released) but the other day, a hot afternoon I was lazying on the couch and decided to sit through the movie - what a mistake!

The best movie watched last week, was one of my best books -TKMB. A classic, very simple background, Gregory Peck as Atticus (perfect fit) and the kids - Jem, Dill and Scout were apt for their roles too as was Boo Radley :) Its evergreen movies like this that bring me on track.

Silver lining

Has it ever happened that your very close to achieving something, your about to fold your fingers and grasp it and suddenly due to unexpected reason it completely disappears, and leaves you holding your hands in mid-air totally surprised/shocked not knowing how to react. Well this is something that has never happened to me before. Even though I did feel at times that something was about to fall apart somehow strangely things worked out and fell into place. Hence I always thought, I was lucky that despite some hiccups and hurdles I always got what I wanted. But not any more!

I always considered myself an optimistic person and yes that I am - at every juncture I always expect the most positive thing to happen - isn't that what an optimist should do? (Dictionary dot com describes an optimist as 'a person who usually expects a favorable outcome'). Even the fox from the fox and grapes story (the fox labeled the grapes sour just cos it could not reach them) should be appreciated for being optimistic and not cribbing, but conveniently telling himself it was not losing out on anything by not eating the grapes.

The flip side to being an optimist is your constantly expecting things to work in your favor and your pushing yourself forward. How long can you do this? what makes me question this is the fact that I have survived 2-3 major situations like this in past 1 year, which I thought were important to me and within reach but turned out to be a mirage. I am optimistic but an emotional person, I need to have a good cry to get over something after which I typically use the butterfly analogy and calm myself. (Remember you have those posters with a butterfly being set free by a pair of hands and the quotation : "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, its yours, else it never was"). But it so happens, an hour back I have survived through another such opportunity that made its appearance and disappeared yet again, something which was not in my control "yet again": I had a good cry and convinced myself something good is in store for me. But another question troubled me that this is the third/fourth time I have told myself in the last 1 year or so. Will I survive another one? Isn't it high time I should have my share of wish-list granted?

My conscience dutifully told me: yes I would survive. Remember what you once heard it said "What does not destroy you, makes you stronger". One deep breath and I was back to normal. Its amazing how our thought process works and helps us bounce back and move on with life. I hope I always see the silver lining, rather than the dark cloud itself and count my blessings and live in the present. I hope I continue to be strong and remain stoic when the next tide sweeps across. I hope the next one is not a tide, instead I see the dark cloud disappearing, and the sun shining on me through the bright blue sky...

Dr. Shilpa Shetty?

The other day I finally watched the videos available of Shilpa Shetty vs Jade in Big Brother. I know I am way behind, but well its never too late, is it? Below are the two main videos:






Though I do find her a bit fake in this series, Jade definitely over-reacted to the whole thing. I don't think I should waste my time more than this, on this topic. What's interesting is that how her fame has finally led to the newly acquired title - Leeds Metropolitan University in the UK has granted her the doctorate for her contribution to cultural diversity. I need to know how she has contributed?. Apparently Amitabh Bachchan, Shabana Azmi, Yash Chopra are the stars who have already acquired the same from this University. I guess the term 'racist' still makes the Brits uncomfortable eh?.

Go Soya nuggets!

After a very long time, I bought Soy nuggets from the Indian store the other day and made a Soy nuggets curry and we ate it with rotis - it was yum! Somehow since I have moved out of India (almost 5 years now) I have not had it and I actually forgot about its existence. I simply love the taste and I would like to think it looks just like meat (besides Tofu, I can see all you meat eaters rolling your eyes if your reading this :))

We all the know the benefits of Soya by now - rich in minerals, fibers, vitamins, high in proteins yet less calories, but I discovered that it also help fight breast and colon cancer. Though Soya milk, Soya bean oil, Tofu are more poular Soya products I feel nuggets are not as well known; especially in the Indian cuisine.

Soya nuggets is a must try!

पुष्प की अभिलाषा

पुष्प की अभिलाषा
- माखनलाल चतुर्वेदी

चाह नहीं मैं सुरबाला के
गहनों में गूँथा जाऊँ

चाह नहीं, प्रेमी-माला में
बिंध प्यारी को ललचाऊँ

चाह नहीं, सम्राटों के शव
पर हे हरि, डाला जाऊँ

चाह नहीं, देवों के सिर पर
चढ़ूँ भाग्य पर इठलाऊँ

मुझे तोड़ लेना वनमाली
उस पथ पर देना तुम फेंक

मातृभूमि पर शीश चढ़ाने
जिस पर जावें वीर अनेक ।।

I was randomly searching for something on the net and came across this. And wow! I was so excited to read this - reminds me of the good old बाल भारती days. In St Anns right from Class 1 to middle school we had this text. Its one of the books prescribed for ICSE and CBSE board I think, not sure.

Anyway this is the link where I found it:

http://www.prayogshala.com/poems/pushp-ki-abhilasha

Kudos Ajji!

Yesterday, was yet another mundane day. I came home from Red Cross some how very dull . Was lost in my own thoughts and was making Rasam/Saaru for dinner, and the Rasam powder/Saaru podi I was using was what my aunts had sent from India. But it somehow reminded me of my Ajji who used to make the best Saaru I have had when I was young.

Like most kids brought up in India I have had my grandparents influence in my life since childhood. My Ajji especially has been a source of inspiration to me. To provide a bit of background about her, she was born and brought up in this small town of Dharapuram in Tamilnadu and married my grand father, her cousin at a young age. She moved to Udupi, my grandfather's hometown after marriage, then temperorily Chennai, when my Ajja/Grandfather decided to migrate for better prospects and then finally Hyderabad. They have been in Hyderabad for over 50 years now. They then bought a small house in Kothi, Hyderabad and have lived there ever since (and thats how the Karody's landed in Hyderabad) :). Most weekends during my childhood I have spent with them in that very house. And even summer vacations too and celebrated most of the important festivals.

My Grand dad used to teach Chemistry in New Science college in Hyderabad. My Ajji mean while was way too talented to be sitting at home. She was BTW very good in her acads especially math and science. She took up Bachelors degree in English Literature and taught in Reddy college for Women in Hyderabad. To this day she wows people with her intelligence, charisma and English vocabulary.

I always have very fond memories of her narrating Ramayana on hot summer afternoons (summer vacation days that I spent there) and making Paayasam /kheer/Rice pudding for me at odd hours. I simply loved it when she made it. She would make it specially for me in very small quantity and it would taste 'out of this world'. I would relish it to the last drop. I might have probably been 7 or 8 then (my memory is very faint before that). That is how she started having influence over my life - by providing me with simple pleasures in life and most importantly the love and affection that every child needs at that young age. At the same time she always taught me something new, be it mythological stories or teaching values. She was always very devoted to my grand father and never have I seen her rude or moody. She was patience and perseverance personified. )Who would otherwise pursue studies with 4 young kids i.e. my dad and his brothers)?

When my grand dad retired so did she in order to give him company. Both of them then actively participated in Kannada Natya Ranga - a Hyderabad based Kannada community group which primarily promotes Kannada art and literature through networking. My Ajja and Ajji actively directed plays and also brought to Hyderabad Yakshagana troops and other performers from Karnataka. The shows were always a huge success. Thus grew my grand parents fame in the Kannada community in the 1980's, they were very warm and friendly, very helpful and also very social, who loved to be around people.

Ajji has also been the best cook and very active. When so many people would visit their home (mainly related to Kannada Natya Ranga) she would always cook and offer something to eat and drink without ever getting bugged, how many ever people may arrive without notice. In fact she would enjoy serving and simply 'giving'. I remember the two things she has always taught me and still tells me to this day (it rings in my ears) that as a woman I should always be patient and compassionate when dealing with other people. Differences do occur in most relationships but I should not make any rash decisions and react. Whenever a girl behaves rashly fingers are pointed to the way her mother brought her up. This does sound like old school of thought. But it is true that how we behave as adults mostly reflects on how our parents have brought us up. But some how she always told me this and never did I pay attention. Now after making a few mistakes here and there I realize by what she means. She has also taught me the importance of simple living and self respect. Imagine they are in their 80's and still live in their own home and in that small house they own, and on their pension money they earn.

Wow! It is now I understand that a person who is mentally strong i.e. not perturbed by any challenges that life throws, who is patient and compassionate (wishing well for one and all) in thinking, perseveres goals with sincerity can lead a content life. Now after all these years I see her now she has become quite old and feeble, yet what's amazing is the spark that remains in her. Ajji I think your such a wonderful human being, and have always given, given and given to everyone around you by sharing happiness, wisdom and contentment. I really hope I can emulate and adopt some of the values you have taught me and pass it on.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened; vision cleared; ambition inspired, and success achieved.
~ Helen Keller

Emotional abuse

Today at Red Cross (where I volunteer part time) a lady with her child, probably about 2 years old arrived. She was of Hispanic origin came straight up to me and said that her boyfriend had kicked her out of the house, and their daughter, and she was also pregnant and needed some assistance as she didn't know where to go. Today being 5th of July (short work week) the office was just being managed by one Program co-ordinator. I approached her as I had not dealt with such case before. She was a new employee herself and she had to make numerous phone calls to get linked to the right people who could help this lady out. Finally she got in touch with DTA - Government department that provides Transition Assistance.

While the Program co-ordinator was making phone calls (almost took an hour to get to DTA), the 2 year old girl started crying. It was a very heart-rending sight. The girl had entered the office as any other cherubic two year old, happy, smiling and in the world of her own, unaware of mother's problems, asking curious questions. Her mother obviously was bothered by her interruptions and strapped her to the stroller to keep her in one place. Thats when she started crying. She wouldn't stop and she cried so hard that she was gasping for breath. Her mother lost it and started crying herself, this brought tears in my eyes. I was kind of busy talking to couple of others who had come for some other assistance, I wrapped it up quickly and gave the child company, as soon as I would go near her and stroke her hair she would keep quiet. The moment I left her side she would cry bitterly. I was told there were some crackers in the pantry so I offered her which she munched. I told myself how unfair that this little girl should suffer. Finally the guys at DTA asked her to come down by 4pm ( it was already 3 and she had come to us around 2). The co-ordinator got her a cab and they hopped on to it and the girl gave a big wave. She was a beautiful child, unfortunately she spoke only Hispanic so I couldn't really talk to the child.

Later I found out that the DTA guys could provide her immediate emergency relief. The lady had told them that she was experiencing 'emotional abuse' from her partner but not really physical. The DTA guys couldn't provide her relief under the domestic violence category because there was no evident domestic abuse and apparently they do not provide for if its emotional. Hence the service they provided to her was the same as for the 'homeless'.

Some how this whole episode was didactic. I knew that there is an organization called Saheli which helps South Asian Women in Boston and I didn't know about Hispanic women. So now I know about DTA in MA. More over I was also some how not too much aware of 'emotional abuse'. Its typically domestic violence and physical abuse that is always focussed upon, but no one talks about emotional abuse on women. It can be equally scarring, I am sure.

I wanted more clarity on how men might be abusing women emotionally. And I found the following on the internet.

Emotional Abuse of Women by Male Partners: the Facts

In heterosexual relationships, most abuse happens to women by their male partners. Emotional abuse, like physical abuse, is used to control, demean, harm or punish a woman. While the forms of abuse may vary, the end result is the same - a woman is fearful of her partner and changes her behaviour to please him or be safe from harm. Many people think that emotional abuse is not as serious or harmful as physical abuse. Women state that this is not true, and that the biggest problem they often face is getting others to take emotional abuse seriously.

Some tactics of emotional abuse by an abuser are to:

Isolate a woman from her friends, family, cultural or faith community, care providers, and prevent her from having independent activities such as work, English as a Second Language classes or other education;

Act overly jealous or possessive; accuse a woman of having affairs if she talks to another man; coerce her into sexual activity to prove her love;

Criticize a woman constantly - her actions, size and appearance, and abilities;

Use a woman's disability or deafness to demean or control her;

Threaten, intimidate, harass, or punish a woman if she does not comply with her abusive partner's demands;

Use the children to control a woman, for example undermine her authority as a parent or threaten to take them if she should leave;

Make all of the decisions in the family, withhold information and refuse to consult her or about important matters such as where they live, or the family's finances;

Control the money - what is spent, how it is spent, not allow a woman access to financial resources, or conversely not contribute to any of the household expenses

Reference: http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse_facts.html

The above website gives all the details about women abuse and prevention. Its always handy to know your community organizations such as DTA, Saheli etc as even though some of us are lucky and may not experience such hardship at least we would be able to give advise when urgently needed.

July 4th 2007

Yesterday husband and I decided we would go see the fireworks. The day in Boston was cloudy and by the time it was evening it had started to drizzle. We thought we'd take the subway to avoid parking hassles and especially cos it would be crowded. We went to Alewife station about 10-15 minutes from our place and took the subway to Charles/MGH. We stood on the bridge and saw some great fireworks display. Its really commendable if you consider the co-ordination thats required from the guys actually displaying the fireworks. When it was all over and we were returning the station and the subway was packed. After ages I was seeing such a big crowd.

I remember the very first time I saw fireworks display (overseas) was at Disneyland (Anaheim, California). It was at Thanksgiving and it was packed, average 2 hours wait for a ride, and musical fireworks was on display. It was very beautiful. Displaying fireworks based on the music I thought was a fantastic idea. Its a treat!

Birthdays!

Today is our friend's birthday. Being a holiday we dutifully spent the eve at his place and cut the cake at 12am. It was good. Especially for our friend cos his family - parents and brother's family and all his near and dear were together under one roof. Not everyone gets to have their chosen people on their birthday. He was quite lucky, I thought.

June-July starts the birthday season. June slowly sets the pace and by the time its August you would have wished a person every single day :) Thanks to Orkut it not only found us long lost friends but reminds us of birthdays. Since childhood birthdays have always been fun. In India when I was really young, I remember it would typically begin when I would get up all excited. The previous week my mom would have bought me a dress (frock as we call it) and chocolates to distribute to classmates and then invite all the neighborhood kids I would play with in the evening after school, for a meal at home after school. In school all kids sang the Happy Birthday song and I would distribute chocolates. Later years I received birthday bums and all :) At home again mom would cook good food and neighborhood kids came over and I had fun once again cut the cake and receive gifts and also give some 'return gifts'.

As I grew up we were not allowed to wear new outfits at school to maintain equality among students, school authorities made a rule to come in your uniform as usual on birthdays but you can distribute chocolates if you wish. I am always a strong supporter of uniform (does not create unnecessary disparities at a young age!) so I was happy. Eventually by the time we reached eighth grade we stopped everything altogether. We would carry chocolates and offer only if someone remembered and wished. And by that time we were old enough to go out on our own (as parents decided) we started eating out - just us group of friends and go for a movie. When we were in 10th grade we had started sleepovers etc so we would spend the previous night at the birthday girl's (it was an all girls school) place and cut the cake at 12 :)

Then when P came in my life, I was 17 so since my 18th birthday, birthdays have been so much fun thanks to him. My 21st was the best :) I was working in Juno and he sent me 3-5 bouquets a beautiful watch and just made it so special. Not just the gifts ;) but the feeling of being young and in love - awwwww! :)

Now even after years :) birthdays are always special days; the best when your close family and friends are around. I panicked last couple of birthdays a bit (you know why) but now I know each year there is something wonderful in store for me. Surprises! - some pleasant some not so pleasant - after all life is a roller coaster ride eh?, but definitely all the experiences make us a smarterand mature and appreciate life ....

Etcetera

Yesterday was another normal day. Went for my weekly Red cross volunteering work and it turned out to be very quiet there as well. The mattress and bed is being delivered today so the day will be spent assembling it (or rather evening my husband does it ;) ). And tomorrow is chutti/a holiday and a friend's birthday so tonight would possibly be a late night. However I hope to read today and tomorrow (trying to catch up on some material I have related to my field!) and also read P.G. Wodehouse. Somehow I missed reading it when growing up so making it up now :)

Yesterday I watched Fresh Prince and realized that I have been doing so for the past few weeks on channel Nick. Then my husband happened to tell me how talented Will Smith is. Of course, then I remembered MIB and "Getting Jiggy with it..Nah Nah Nah Nah" Gosh that still rings in my ears from the pubs/parties at Hyderabad. Then on Wikipedia I saw that apparently he not only acts and sings well he was also admitted to the pre-engineering program in MIT which he turned down, interesting! Anyways, Bill Cosby, Fresh Prince and My Wife and Kids are my favorite shows (African-American family based).

Finally, Old habits die hard. I still haven't got over my British spellings (you see it only became stronger in NZ, I am sure I would have lost it if I were in India). I still spell colour, favour, for color and favor and the American spell check dutifully highlights it all, also not to forget the 's' in realise as opposed to 'realize' and though I have got used to the MM/DD/YY I suddenly switch to DD/MM/YY although negligible.

Mundane stuff: Mattress search and so on...

Weekend as usual has just flown. Friday wanted to go for 'Sicko' but somehow we were not able to make it. My husband has been working pretty late and hard last week, yet again. Saturday we went to the temple (our weekly ritual) and post lunch we were invited for Coffee at a friend's place, actually they had purchased a brand new home. It was in Chelmsford (MA) a good 40 minutes drive from our home for us and me was driving and my husband was on the phone continuously with some work related issues. I was very nervous, as I was worried he would not direct me appropriately as he also had not been to the area. I made a couple of minor blunders and we reached safe ;) We had Chai and then other friends left and we continued hanging out at their place. P was on the computer for atleast 1 hour at their place then finally after he got done we watched this Telugu movie Pellayina Kothalo (Jagpathi Babu and some new heroine) some parts of the movie was quite funny. We finally had dinner at their place and got home. BTW the home was very good, when we visit people who have purchased such big homes it feels so good with so much space etc. But end of the day I am so happy with my rented apartment. Imagine cleaning/maintaining such big 4 bedroom homes and then so much stuff you end up accumulating (some how that makes me feel old - the less stuff I have in terms of furniture etc the younger I feel ;)). Nevertheless these guys had a nice deck, big kitchen and 4 spacious bedrooms and over all very cosy place.

Today it was routine stuff, did grocery shopping at Costco and Patel Brothers :) But the biggest achievement was we purchased a bed and mattress for the guest room at IKEA. With my in-laws trip visit round the corner, I was almost beginning to worry about the mattress shopping. Mattress shopping is a never ending saga..... It began like this; we hurriedly bought a Sealy's Posturpedic when I moved here (US) last February (2006). Since I have moved to US I have never ever slept well in the last one year (I am not exaggerating!). I dont know what it is (USCIS has contributed to my lack of sleep I later convinced myself they are not worth even thinking or talking about, hey so can I sue them?), but I like to think its the mattress as the culprit, to begin with, we have been searching for mattresses forever now. We are planning to buy Temperpedic which is almost 3000$ (for a mattress 3K - you think I can sleep peacefully now? ;)) but again someone told its disadvantages and we are back to square one and husband and I are still not able to decide if we should go for King or Queen!

I have no idea what sort of mattress I used in India. Such discussions also would not have come up, Phew! (Yes! I am turning into an Aunty day by day). Life is getting so complicated with too many options and time on hand (again blame the USCIS!!). I slept so very well in India and even in New Zealand for that matter, in fact in NZ I had a sidey mattress yet I slept well. Thus our quest for a good mattress continues....

Question: Why were there such few desis outdoors this weekend?
Answer: They were all at the Lawyer's to make sure their papers (Green Card - what else?)are filed at dawn (July 2nd is the big day right?).
I think most desis spend half their time in US talking/planning about/for H1 and GC (sigh! some times I feel sorry for us!)